Three weeks in the making

It is rather a telling sign when I take three weeks to write a blog. I usually foolishly sacrifice valuable minutes of sleep in order to get a blog or a rant-esque e-mail out in one unbroken piece. These three weeks have been as busy as ever, and not coincidentally, are also my three weeks of having moved out from home.

My first three weeks at Xin's house have been as wonderfully challenging as I expected. There has been a very positive benefit in regimenting my life. Previously, I was very loose with my schedule but now I actively make use of all my time. I also am successfully going to sleep earlier on work nights (aside from one night's ushering for Glide Time). I watch far less television and waste less time on the computer. I finish my lesson plans faster as their is competition for the keyboard. Leading challenges are to make food that is not flavourless or excessively flavourful (by the Xin Standard). I don't seem to be able to hit the zone between those two extremes on a regular basis. All tastes delightful to me though.

My good news of gaining a second client has well and truly sunk in and I am patiently waiting for it to be properly formalised and underway. Ernst & Young will be a new challenge and a fertile ground for further work opportunities.

My back pain is back with avengence and its chronic nature is reminiscient of my troublesome ankles (which also has not been completely back to normal). I am quite optimistic about my prospects of beating my back and being stronger for the crisis. Having one's back 'cracked' $25, having on's girlfriend stomping on your back to achieve the same result - priceless. Learning how to crack your own back is a joy.

I also had lots of different motivations, experiences and ideas in this period too. I actually consumed a whole 110 page book on a work day, The Myths that Make Us. This is highly rare for a literary sloth like myself. The previous day I had sampled parts of The Simpsons and Philosophy. This book was mainly interesting for the excerpts, the philosophy part worked well when considering themes and failed when considering the characters. As was often pointed out, the characters are rather amorphous and cannot be analysed. That being said, the only philosophically fascinating essay I ran into was in a character study, albeit quoted from another book. It is so cool that I will publish it here too:

Scorned by a woman, Satan took council with his chief tempters in Pandemonium.
"What," he asked the assembled Principalities and Powers, "are we doing to hasten the dehumanization of man?"
One by one, they reported. Formidable Senior Vice-Presidents in charge of Envy, Pride and Avarice gave glowing accounts; the Chiefs of the Bureaus of Lust and Sloth read lengthy bills of particulars. Lawyers lectured on loopholes. Satan however was not pleased. Even the brilliant report from the Head of the War Department failed to satisfy him. He listened restively to the long treatise on nuclear proliferation; he fiddled with pencils during the section on the philosophy of guerilla warfare.

Finally, Satan's wrath overcame him. He swept his notes from the table and leapt to his feet. "Self-serving declarations!" he roared. "Am I doomed to sit forever listening to idiots try to hide incompetence behind verbiage? Has no-one anything new? Are we to spend the rest of eternity minding the store as we have for a thousand years?"
At that point, the youngest tempter rose.
"With your permission, my lord," he said, "I have a program." And as Satan sat down again, the demon launched into his proposal for an interdepartmental Bureau of Desubstantialization. He claimed that the dehumanization of man was going too slowly because their infernal strategy had failed to cut man off from one of the chief bulwarks of his humanity. In concentrating on offenses against God and neighbour, it had failed to corrupt his relationship to things. Things, the tempter declared, by their provision of unique delights and individual astonishments, constituted a continuous refreshment of the very capacities Hell was at pains to abolish. As long as man dealt with real substances, he would himself remain substantial. What was needed, therefore, was a program to deprive man of things.

Satan took evident interest. "But," he objected, "how shall we proceed? In an affluent modern society man has more 'things' than ever. Are you saying that in the midst of such abundance and possessed by such materialism he simply will not notice so obvious and so bizarre a plot?"
"Not quite, my lord," said the tempter. "I do not mean to take anything from him physically. Instead, we shall encourage him mentally to alienate himself from reality. I propose that we contrive a systematic substitution of abstraction, diagrams, and spiritualizations for actual things, actual beings. Man must be taught to see things as symbols - must be trained to use them for effect and never for themselves. Above all, the door to delight must remain firmly closed.
"It will not," he continued, "be as difficult as it seems. Men are so firmly convinced that they are materialists that they will believe anything before they suspect us of contriving their destruction by spiritualization. By wayof a little insurance, however, I have taken the liberty of arranging for an army of televangelists who will continue, as in the past, to thunder against them for being materialists. Humanity will be so busy feeling delightfully wicked that nobody will notice the day when we finally cut them loose from their reality altogether."
And at that, Satan smiled, sat back and folded his hands. "Excellent...," he said. "Let the work go forward."

And that is that. Cool, eh.

(taken from an essay in The Simpsons and Philosophy, page 193, 'Enjoying the so-called "Iced-cream"' written by Daniel Barwick, quoting The Supper of Lamb by Robert Farrar Capon)

Fair Trade

Yesterday I bought some "Trade Aid" Dark Chocolate. It is marketed as being organic and fair trade. It was $5.80 for a 200 gram block. I bought it because on the weekend I got the 50g version and suddenly discovered it wasn't half bad and it had a reasonable price. At Trade Aid shops those ones cost $1.90 which is equivalent to a service station price for non-fair trade chocolate.

For me, organic products are one of the higher criteria for buying. My desire for organics is greater than my desire for vegetarianism, and my desire for vegetarianism is far more than my desire for fair trade. Only financial constraints and transport stop me from buying more organics.

Fair trade is yet to logically filter through with me. With my rudimentary knowledge of economics, if you split a market taking all the buyers who would be happy to buy something for a higher price, and also remove the sellers who'd prefer to sell it at a higher price, you make the price crash. That means non fair trade chocolate, regardless of its origin, suffers a drop in price. Though this may 'punish' those who use slavery to produce their goods it also harms many farms which are not selling their cocoa/coffee through fair trade channels but are ethically fine. Ideally this would lead a trend towards all sellers moving toward getting registered as fair trade, as it means a higher premium, isolating the non-ethically produced cocoa. But this would also mean a higher price, lower demand, lower production so fewer sellers benefiting from the trade (as you get with higher prices).

And there is always a market for cheap cocoa. The rogue sellers who use slavery will always have a market because cheap goods always sell.

Anyway, I'm happy with my premium Dark Chocolate as it is delicious foremost, and organic secondly. Yum.

My voice is my passport

I was delivered my new passport today, marginally bigger, more expensive, shorter validity and all. They also deprived me of my wonderfully easy to remember passport number, sigh. I suddenly was struck by the realisation that I had no intention of travelling anywhere outside the borders of this country. Why did I have a passport? Why fork out the money?

World Tennis Federation

Allow me to quote myself: "It seems ironic that a year in which getting my health and fitness has turned out to be rather horrific in terms of my health." Oh, how the Health and Fitness god(s) taunt me so. On Monday night, a slight discomfort became a rather heinous pain in the ass ailment. So much so that I was compelled to go the doctor the next day. Apparently it is an ailment which 80% of people suffer from in their lifetimes. So what was I supposed to do? Well, the doctor gave me what was to be supposited. Oh deary me. I am still suffering so.

But Monday was good for other reasons in that between dilly-dallying over what I would do about my troublesome back I managed to click it into place myself. Since then I've had virtually no pain. And my ankles are good - I think. So soon all parts of my body will be in their intended places and like will return to a semblance of normality. I haven't been in normal health since early September (unless dysfunctional health is the norm...).

And then Tuesday, the Work and Employment gods decided to give me some relief by quite possibly giving me my second client... Well, not quite giving but it is open for me to seize and I will. Funny life this.

The Crossword Trial

Last week I decided to give my crosswording skill a comprehensive test doing both Herald crosswords (straight and cryptic) everyday it was published and also the Kropotkin crossword on the weekend, to have some quantitative test of how well I can do them. I'll try it again later to see if I improve.

Here are the results:

Straight crosswords
Finish rate: 100% (6/6)
Error rate: 4 mistaken answers in 6 crosswords
Assistance: 2 answers provided from outside sources (A friend suggested vaunted for boasted, and also a comment from my mother made me realise a mistaken answer was something else).

Cryptic crosswords
Finish rate: 5 crosswords out of 6. Due to a mistake, one crossword was rendered impossible.
Error rate: 3 mistaken answers in six crosswords
Assistance: 1 answers provided using outside sources (I didn't know what a parvenu was).

I would have included timing to do them but I am often interrupted by work ;-) And besides some of them take me almost 24 hours to complete...

Kropotkin crosswords
Fortunately for my Crossword trial, I finished this crossword for the first time ever. That being said, I did have a lot of guesses, and occasional assistance. His clues are the most evil cryptics possible and the answers are occasionally words you'll never see anywhere else (not even on the internet). Last week I got one answer. I have to wait till next weekend to get the answers but so far I can say:

(out of 28 clues)
Finished
Error rate: At least 1 (I guessed an answer for a dressage movement, got it wrong, it was 'piaffe')
Assistance: Only to confirm answers

The evil of the clues are everywhere e.g.

• Charlie cutting the duck up - back end discarded while meditating (7,3,3) = C+hewing the [k]cud
• Is tenor featuring in opera? Order one to appear (8) = Is+op(t)era (the Order of termites, I found out later...)
• Queen with straight wrist - wife leaves - mate comes around (9) = (to get this I needed cockney rhyming slang, as another word for mate is China i.e. china plate = mate so...) Ch+[w]rist+ina, apparently there is a Queen Christina...
• Film someone eating around noon (a little bone) - had meal by the sound of it (6,2,5) = This is classic - 'Diner' insert the 'n' from noon, a small bone is 'a t bone' reduced to 'at' and sounds like had a meal is ate/'eight' = Din(n)er at Eight, a movie I found out, according to my mum...

I'll take it easy this week, but I'd like to try a few for speed.

Another week, another challenge, another success

It seems ironic that a year in which getting my health and fitness has turned out to be rather horrific in terms of my health. Just on the weekend I suddenly noticed that something was attacking one of my toes. It is likely to be one fo the evil uncles of the mushroom family, not that magical though. And last week I almost had to cancel classes as a tongue infection caused me pain and to thpeak funly. It is when you are in the most pain to speak that people do you the slap in the face of "What did you say?" after you have carefully and slowly managed to make a semi-intelligible sentence. Ah, well in all that commotion my ankles enjoyed their time outside the limelight and slowly but surely they are getting better and better.

Health aside, I have had two breakthroughs for English teaching and a job opening out of the blue. The two breakthroughs occurred during my neverending cold-calling to find another company. Now I am meeting with two companies in the next week and a half, one seeming to be rather promising. And the job opening, which was slide under the door and into my inbox, confidential like, so I'm not allowed to disclose. Unfortunately, although it is a job I wouldn't mind doing, and could be quite capable of doing, regrettably I have little in the way of qualifications to suit it. Drat. Won't stop me applying though (which I fired in quick).

In other pursuits, my first charge in preparation for the Speech Therapy qualification next year has begun with training to be a Stroke Scheme Volunteer. Strokes, as our facilitator says, are really fascinating if it weren't for them being a personal disaster for someone. Some of the symptoms seem strangely familiar. Maybe I've had a stroke. Naaah, but it is surprising how something as severe as a stroke can cause manifestations we can relate to such as "tip of the tongue" feeling and struggling to thpeak poply.

Frankfurt

A lady from Frankfurt either has a serious problem with her phone, an intellectual difficulty or just wants to annoy me. For the third time she has called on my cellphone at 5:30am. When I first had this for the first time, I struggled to get wakeful enough to deal with a phone call and managed a "Hello, Daniel speaking". I could hear some muffled German and then she hung up. Cheers. Since then, at least once every week for the last three weeks she has called. After a rather messy night of sleep with surreal dreams and restlessness, again I got a call. I looked at the number and sent it to answerphone. Wish I had spoken to her now. Now, I have decided that I will gather enough German from a german speaker and call her or answer her call with it.

Either way, this has to stop.

Before sleep, before dreams

One of the interesting zones of semi-conscious awareness is the time when your mind is falling into sleep but you are also half-awake. Xin, heard me once tell her "So this would be good for your research" (was that it Xin?) when I had almost fallen asleep. This was not connected at all to what was being said or what Xin was doing. She was doing some of her art work at the time. I can vaguely remember that there was a reason for saying it but I can't remember it.

Again tonight, while I was lurking on the verge of sleep I could have sworn that Xin asked me a question, I remember having a really visual answer and was going to try and express it in words, something like "If the soldiers in Nazi Germany can, ..." suddenly I couldn't remember my answer nor the question and asked Xin to repeat her question. She said she hadn't ask me a question.

Anyway, that is my musing before I go down into my dreams for tonight.

P.S. About a month ago, I told many people that I had a dream about a tsunami hitting Auckland. Strangely enough a tsunami possibility scenario arose in the last few days when a 8 magnitude earthquake hit Tonga, although there was no tsunami.

A third down

Well that was quick, one third of the year has been completed, now where am I? Where am I going?

Health

An annoying start to the year but has been getting better. My eyes are fine, my teeth are fine, my back is no longer chronically sore (only a very localised problem occasionally), and my ankle is not majorly sore and should be back in working order in a week or two. I feel fitter than I did at the beginning fo the year. My plans are to go to a chiropractor, and do yoga and/or alexander technique for my back. Allow my ankle whatever time it needs and slowly build up strength and stamina through walking and possibly running nearer the end of the year.

Career

Since the start of the year I haven't applied for any jobs and no particular other jobs have appealed to me. My In-Company Tuition has been useful but whether it is sustainable is still debatable. My current plan is to keep tutoring till the end of the year, although keeping an eye out for possible advertised positions. Market hard now for a new company to tutor to and try to work as close as I can to full time. Apply for Master of Speech Language Therapy (SLT) at University, and if selected do that for the next two years. If not selected, re-evaluate.

Finances

After sorting out when I will be paying two large wads of money to tax, I figure that to have enough money to do what I want I had better earn much more money and to cut a few expenses which may require some budgetting. Fortunately a few big expenses have already been paid such as medical bills (including wisdom teeth), trailwalker money, insurance.

Love

Xin is nice. Planning to move in quite soon.

Study

I will concentrate on what is required for SLT first. The chinese advanced test can be my challenge another year. For SLT, they have a restriction of 16 students, so there is a selection process and my qualifications are not directly what they are looking for but I would like to do some preparation throughout the year and have a go at applying in November.

Little projects

Despite there being a huge number of little projects I have on the back-burner, I have not done any in this third of the year. Trailwalker has been my only undertaking of any size. So I will be prioritising and scheduling the others wisely throughout the year.

Sweet Dreams are made of these

Dreams are always a regular source of interest to me. I can go through long periods where I remember every dream and equally long periods where I can't remember a thing. I have dreams which leave memories strong enough to confuse me later on whether certain things have happened or not (usually details but occasionally events). There are themes which return, and then compelling ones that never come back.

Lately, I have had a rather memorable set of diverse dreams and fragments. One night I was running a slippery cross-country circuit, last night travelling and missing my flight, a few weeks ago I was viewing the destruction of Auckland to a tsunami, and another night I was touring around London with my eldest sister. Occasionally there would be something really out of leftfield or out of place which seems quite normal in the dream. This period has to be one of the longest streaks of rather mundane dreams where most things aren within the realms of reason - there is hardly any of the surreal or fantastic scenarios such as those I occasionally had with sharks and lions looming large.

I don't have more than a passing fancy in dream-interpretation. I go through times where I record my dreams and times when I wish I had - but only after the key details have faded from memory.

If I have any interesting dreams in the near future, I'll record them here, but anyone is welcome to record their dreams or thoughts about dreams.

100k’s too far

One of my anticipated events of the year has become something of a disappointment. The 100k Trailwalker event had been a rather big focus for me. Every day I had been treating my ankles in the hope of hastening their recovery from the chronic pain I had had. In the last month I had been frenetically training looping through the city and country. But either through poor strategy or just pure insufficient preparation, I had to pull out at the 63 km mark of the event.

The walk started well although in retrospect, we probably went too quickly. The first leg of 17km was relatively easy and I was happy. The second leg of 10.7km was horrid with the front of my ankles flaring up but nothing excessive. We had to cross hilly farmland on an angled route traversing sheep tracks that ran horizontally (hard to explain sorry). This had been a problem in the past for me because if you follow the track, your ankle will be constantly rolling to one side and would be aggravating part of my ankle. I decided to take my usual strategy of going either directly down or going completely laterally along the sheep tracks. In retrospect, this may have been the wrong choice as later on the pain in my ankle was chiefly in the front part, perhaps from the impact of going straight down a hill quickly.

That being said, the third leg of the journey, 10.2k was quite good for me. The pain in my ankles completely disappeared and only friction on my heels caused any discomfort. My back started its usual drilling under my left shoulder. As a team, we skidded into the Checkpoint 3 with our first real signs that our team’s condition was starting to deteriorate.

The fourth leg was the worst for most concerned. The longest section of the course at 18.7kms, it injured most of the team in some way. I was fine to start off with and enjoyed the soft surface of a forest grove where I could move smoothly even though I had pain in my knees and ankles. Night fell and the headlamps went on. At the 50k point, I uttered the rather foolish comment that I had a strong pain threshold and despite my pained ankles, knees and back I would be able to finish the course. Unfortunately, from that point on we were walking on Whangamata road and my ankles were increasingly aggravated, possibly because of the harder surface. The speed I was able to do dropped.

At the end of that leg we realised we wouldn’t be able to meet a 10pm cut off point to get to Checkpoint 5. If we could have done so we would be able to go home for a rest in the middle, which would have been desirable for the injured (although with the feel of being a little bit like cheating). We stopped and had a chance to recuperate before our march to Checkpoint 5. Although I felt fine at the stop – as soon as I started the 5th leg my left ankle suddenly became unbearable. I had to stop at the side of the path and give it strapping and extra cream. It was worse than any of the preceding pain that I had with my ankle. From that point on, I was focussed only in putting one step in front of the other. It impaired my balance a little slowing me down more. Fortunately there was a walking pole on hand (thanks AJ), which helped quite a lot. In addition to my foot trouble, I started to feel rather nauseous too, occasionally feeling that the bushes were beckoning me to puke on them. In other words, I was a mess.

I believed I had re-injured my ankle but in a new location; the front hinge part rather than the inner side that was hurt previously (the inner ligament). With over 40kms still to go and at least 10 more hours of walking on the track I resigned myself to pulling out at the next stop to prevent further damage. We stopped at Checkpoint 5 for two hours and I gave myself some treatment. They had free massages for all trailwalkers. I started to have second thoughts about pulling out. I may have been able to do the next leg, but alternatively I could have injured it more and needed a team sent in to pull me out. So in the end, I quit.

After I got back at AJ’s house, I regretted pulling out again (did that many times subsequently). I gave my ankles good treatment with heat and various therapeutic gels and creams, slept several hours of broken sleep and in the morning I felt a lot better. I walked/limped the final 5kms with my drenched, injured and exhausted team-mates (hooray for James and AJ!).

In retrospect, I think I made the right decision about pulling out. My eldest sister told me about how she had pushed on through an obviously damaged knee on a tramp and still has problems because of it now. Right now, embarrassingly, my ankles are feeling well except for a small issue on the left outer ankle (another spot which was not previously damaged).

I have resolved to walk a 100k, with sufficient training, in the near future (probably within two months) once my ankles have settled down at their own pace and I have had the chance to prepare myself and a training plan with my other fallen comrade, Edwin. My sister suggested I do the UK Trailwalker in July (another cunning way to get me over to England for a looksee), but finances may hold me back ;-)

Trailwalker, though arguably an act of masochism, is a genuine challenge and one I will attempt again and again till I finally finish the damn thing.

Last week's 'Quote of the Week'

After teaching Chinese weekly for perhaps 20 weeks to one of my students, we came across the word 'Qichuang' (get up in the morning) pronounced 'chee-chwang'. After trying to say it several times, my student said with a big grin: "Finally we are speaking real Chinese."

Skin of my teeth

Well, at the specified time of the year, I received my Japanese Proficiency test results. It was almost as disastrous as it could have possibly been. My predictions had been:

Vocabulary and Characters 96%, Listening 60%, Reading 75%.

My actual result was:
Vocabulary and Characters 96%, Listening 44%, Reading 63%.

Overall, I got 66.4%, which was over the 60% I needed to 'pass' and get a certificate saying I was of Grade 2, but it floated very close to that line. It was an improvement on my 1998 result in every area though:

Vocabulary and Characters 81%, Listening 19%, Reading 57.5%.

My next step is not as clear as for Chinese. I am not sure if I can devote the huge amount of time and energy I put into getting this result, and doubling it, to get to Level 1 level. I am interested in continuing my studies in Japanese. I have already lost my edge, but would probably still use the materials I have to deepen my understanding and try the same level again. It is a nice level and I don't mind remaining on it and seeking a more satisfying result. Of course, once I get back on the studying horse, I might be grasped by inspiration to go the whole way. We'll see.

Health

2006, contrary to my desire, has been a rather bumpy road in regards to my health. In early January I had chosen it as a main focus to get well and then get fit both of body and mind. I hadn't expected the first one of those to take so long. It is the eighth week of the year and I am only finally escaping from what has been a rather bad run of nuisance health problems (yes, I count myself lucky that something really serious hasn't grabbed me, as should all people. Here's a run down:

I started the year with one mostly healed injured ankle. Well enough to go 17km on New Year's day, that through imprudence (a key word for me), was reinjured and then due to my lopsided protection of that ankle, injured the other ankle. At its peak, both ankles were injured on both sides; the lower calf on the outside was strained and the inside ligaments on both were sprained. Now, I would provisionally say one, the original troublemaker, has healed. The other is painless right now, and should it be painless till my next block of work.

Wisdom teeth have been a non-problem, that became a problem and then, well, let's hope its all for the best. I had all four wisdom teeth removed, which to my ears sounded OK (so long as they need to be removed), but to everyone else's ears sounded a tad excessive, and a rip off. Either way, with the surgery more than a week old, I have still got some teeth concerns. It seems that the swelling pushed my teeth around, and then as the swelling went down the teeth all went back to where they came from, this however opened up the gums close to the teeth and was collecting food in them and it became painful to eat. So I had to revert to soft or mulched food again and still am. But the trip to the dental surgeon explained the necessity of each removal and soon as things are back to normal, I will be happy that I have had them done together without any great ordeal.

I may have also had a mild bout of anaemia again after the surgery. This is purely self-diagnosed, but I felt dizzy and nauseous till about Wednesday this week. It was possibly also another case of imprudence when I decided to start work again on the Monday after my surgery.

And my back is still a work in progress. Absolutely fine when there is nothing wrong, and painful if I sit to play chess or teach for more than an hour.

With such a long list, I have considered how I am going to get back out of this unhealthy hole. Namely, iron tablets in the short term, mulched diet till my next working week, grass-walking throughout this week, gentle exercise and stretching for my back and legs ongoing, longer-gentle walks next week, yoga when my back is no longer in any pain, a nice variety of food once my gums have recovered and then hopefully 100km's in April to wash it all down.

Losing Wisdom

When I was on the bus in Taiwan, one of the few AIESECers who vaguely wanted to continue a conversation with a scary foreigner was explaining his Chinese name, Yingzhi, saying it meant "full of wisdom". And every time he met me again he always said, 'Remember me? I'm full of wisdom.' Anyway, in a different way, last Friday I was depleted of my wisdom with the expensive extraction of four of my "third molars".

The surgery itself was a piece of cake. You lie back, get injected and then leave the world for what seems like barely a few minutes (wish I watched the clock, it was over an hour). What happens after that is much more exciting. You suddenly get moved out on your wobbly, wobbly legs and thrown into a waiting car, which happens to be piloted by Xin's mum. Suddenly you realise that your mouth is full of stuff and you find the front of your jaw, everything from the mouth down, including your lips are completely without sensation and hanging limply. Then you discover that one of those things in your mouth is your tongue - also dozing. You stare into the wing mirror and realise your left jaw decided to adopt an expansive strategy. You look like a lopsided gangster.

You go home with a bag full of drugs and are told not to make any important decisions or drive a car. Hmmmm. Should I take these drugs? Anyway, you do crosswords and watch Chinese TV instead and then remember the drugs two hours later. You struggle down a banana smoothie, which is an appalling experience when your tongue is not in operation or with sensation, and then take those pills. Without a tongue to motivate one's desire for food, many of us would die of hunger you surmise. Your girlfriend kindly calls and you tell her, 'Rhaaay dung eeth nung.' Then feel awfully tired and collapse on bed, awaken at sometime, feel dizzy, collapse on the bed again. You celebrate the reactivation of every mouth muscle.

You get amazed that none of your previously chronically sore body parts are sore and claim to have been miraculuously cured and then remember to take your regular dose of Codeine. You cut down your painkiller intake and suddenly those body parts are reinjured.

Well, that's how it was for me, or was it? The last two days have been better, and now I am almost back to normal. I can almost eat all the things I would usually. Although if I were a carnivore, steak would be an impossibility. My jaw is back to about a third of its swelling from Friday, but still obvious. Anyway, a nice little adventure in the journey of life.

'To have no hate nor love toward people'

My Chinese study is slowly overcoming inertia and has some movement forward after a break of about a month and a half. I am absolutely flabbergasted in retrospect at my study work-rate last year. I was a machine! It is impossible to return to that state immediately, so I am doing what comes naturally: Indulging in reading, recovering my vocab, listening to Chinese radio and chatting with Xin's mum.

One of my favourite ways to study has been to read in that language. Every student I have ever had, I have recommended it to - but few take it up. When you find something you are interested in reading, it is an amazing motivator. I am fortunate enough to have found my perfect reading material in Chinese - a magazine called Duzhe (meaning: The Reader). It is an assortment of various genres of short reading sections. Small stories. Essays. Jokes and the like. Short enough to immerse yourself in and finish in a break between lessons. And with enough variety so that you can move on easily when you choose wrongly.

One of the readings I did today was called 'To have no hate nor love toward people', which is a line from a Chinese poem by Su Manshu (unless that is a transliteration of a foreign surname). To the author, the line describes a state close to what he thinks would be heaven. He then boldly says, that that is how he describes many places in America. Friends and neighbours don't 'love' each other (love naturally means platonic love). They don't have the expectations on each other that people do in China. As there are few mutual expectations, there is nothing to bind them, and very little to repel them. He lived in America for 20 years and says he never had someone whom he could call a friend. Everyone in the places he lived just had a pool of people that were more mutually recognising acquaintances - very few had what he'd regard as friends. He suggests it comes from individualism - by believing in our requirement to be ourselves, it makes it hard to really meld together, and there is an emotional barrier that is virtually impossible to traverse without making people uncomfortable or making the other person suspicious. That is like New Zealand. In societies that are not as individualistic, the barrier just isn't there and people can intergrate themselves emotionally and also be more repelled when there is not that connection.

This coincides a little with a short story I am writing about someone with an overwhelming desire to connect with people. Someone who I am not, but sometimes play the role of. It is someone I might want to be. But interestingly, someone from that other side of the equation - sees our situation as a paradise - blissfully uncomplicated.

Chinese Test Result

After a long wait, resulting from the teacher-in-charge being away on holiday and no-one being around to send them forward till now, I have finally received my Chinese Language Test result. It was better than my expectation, but with the variation in scores that I had feared.

Listening 81% (even higher than my practice tests)
Grammar 94% (as expected, kicked butt)
Reading 91% (had expected much worse; this was when my powers of concentration were in free-fall, I must have guessed well)
Miscellaneous 69% (my fear, it was my biggest concern just prior to the test, plus in the third solid hour I was in a mental meltdown. It was my second lowest score for that section).

Regrettably with my low score in the last section, my total score fell out of the 'A' band score for Intermediate by a mere three marks (out of 400). Since there are fewer questions than points, 170 marks generating a total of 400, one extra correct answer would have got me there. But as a total score, it is better than all my practice tests - so I am happy with my results. I never quite got into that high band even with a pleasant atmosphere, tea in cup, breaks between sections and so on.

Now remains the choice of whether to go hell for leather at Advanced (and be massacred) or master Intermediate this year. Frankly, I consider only one a viable choice... Anyway, nice to finally know. I might get back to serious study soon.

Bliss

In our adrenalin filled world, an idea of bliss is sometimes hard to find. Maybe my last list mixed bliss and happiness, and probably with some pleasure in there too. For me now, bliss is the feeling of being unencumbered, released from something or to be immersed in an experience and hence released by other things.

The most interesting thing for me is that the bliss itself is not pleasure nor pain, but just experiencing what the senses bring..

Happiness is...

...a warm bun

...love re-affirmed

...a painless back

...tasting food

...a nice sleep

...ranting in synchronicity and in tune with a fellow ranter

...a rainy day

...watching healing

...connecting to someone through an image

...unexpected acceptance

...working
(feel free to add to this)

Old friend

When it comes to friends, I'm a sieve. I enjoy people and their friendship when they are around me - but change my situation and suddenly I lose touch. Until recently, the longest-term friendship from start to finish (not in consecutive years) I had was 12 years. This friend I had lost contact with but was re-acquainted with after a hiatus. On Piha on Sunday, though, I was lucky enough to bump into a primary school friend whom I knew for two years (form one and two) so that means I finally have a friend whom I had known more than 15 years ago. I am rather interested in re-establishing our friendship and will undertake efforts to make sure it happens.

Interestingly, in my job interviews for GCSB last year they would have required me to give the details of someone who I had known for over 15 years - a task which would have been very difficult.

The third week of the year

is drawing to a finish. I didn't get around to planning my professional career much. Priority was given to embracing the little time I had with my lover before she goes back to her island and mountain, and with me preparing for work proper, also resting with back pain I didn't have a terribly large amount of time to do any of the investigations I was planning.

What my sister believes is a back spasm is causing me no end of grief. Fortunately I'll be going to the physio on Saturday and hopefully healing can begin. It is overshadowing my usual worries about my ankle.

My good news is that I have moved to three days a week for work, an extra 4 hours a week. Anyone who knows my pay rate knows that this is quite a significant increase. I want to make this year count as much as I can financially so it is a good start.

"And we are both utterly humorless about our vegetarianism."

The line above was part of a Simpsons episode which at first I didn't really understand. Sometimes Simpsons seems to pack everything into being a joke so sometimes it is easy to think that something is a flat joke when it is not. But now I may have realised that maybe there was a vegetarian amongst the scriptwriters who was trying to relay a general experience.

Last night, I had dinner with a primarily Mainland Chinese group of people. And with every new person came the thrice repeated series of: "Oh Daniel's vegetarian" "Oh, how many joys and pleasures you'll miss out on." "How will you ever become full?" "Do you eat fish? Some vegetarians eat fish" "What about prawns?" And for once I was starting to get a bit humorless.

A Chinese student of mine, with some insight, may have explained to me earlier about how Mainland Chinese have a harder time understanding voluntary vegetarianism (or any semblance of animal rights). He mentioned that Chinese have starvation in their far too memorable recent past (barely a generation ago). With all the culinary bliss to be thankful for it is a sin not to take all that you can.

Winding up

...seems a rather contradictory phrase. If you wind up a business, or your work for the day, it is about to finish, whereas in terms of someone about to punch you, it is about building energy to unleash upon... in preparation of a beginning.

I am winding up (the latter) for 2006 with some resolution not to let 2005's slump continue.

After a restful first week to the new year, chewing through books, playing with my step-sis and acquainting myself with my half-bro, I have plunged back into busyness - mostly in a preparatory manner. Doctors were on my list of things to do - Optometrists, dentists and doctors. My eyes haven't regressed a smidgin. The only thing threatening my teeth are a couple of rather unwise upstarts that will need to be dealt with this year. Once my ankle is better, I will be physically well set for my onslaught this year.

The next two weeks (starting Monday) will be a complete review of where I am going and analysis of the options in front of me. Will it be work or study proper?

During this time, I will be also reviewing my spiritual path for the year. Whether I need to reflect back on it or progress in a different direction. I have pretty much taken the direct focus away from it over the last few years. But it might be time to re-evaluate the foundation on which I stand.

Chess will also have its time under my eye to decide whether I want to get back into competitive chess. I have felt a little dimmer since I stopped playing.

And with the temporary return of my beloved on Friday evening, it also provides a time to have a look at 2006 and contemplate what it might hold.

Decompression

I have entered a pleasant post-Christmas phase. The pre-Christmas stress and study have been transformed into a reading, sleeping, walking, breathing phase. My ankle feels mostly OK except for occasional moments - so much so I might have a New Year's Walk.

Nothing much more to say but: Bliss.

Crappy 2005

Well, all I can say is this job application process has been both the best and worst of this year. There was no phone call confirming that I have seized for myself my own dream job, and this was the day it had to happen. Of course there is no call to say I haven’t succeeded – but then it was pretty much promised ‘before Christmas’ – Conclusion: I have missed out.

Miracle aside, like them leaving the selection to after the New Year, I am pretty much back to square one in the planning stakes. I have a few workless weeks to consider exactly what I’m going to do with my 2006.

Not-so-momentary despair caught me earlier on, and the fact that there is any hope at all in this posting was the result of the computer automatically rebooting itself while I was in the process of venting here the first time round, wiping all my good work. Between then and now I have had a soothing call to Xin, an episode of ‘24’ and a cup of camomile tea, and now am feeling more myself.

It has put a damper on my recent language-learning surge. I had absorbed so much Arabic in the last 7 days, but I will be cutting it loose, and going back to my old friends Japanese and Chinese. My foray into Arabic was a revelation in terms of sheer speed that I could acquire language – surely the ideal skill for that job, damnit. I could already make out names, grammatical structures and meanings from Al-Jazera articles. And when it wasn’t Arabic, it was one of the other two. All my leisure time had been engulfed by language and quite frankly I am exhausted.

Time for a rest. Oh yeah, it's Christmas.

Two long days...

The end of this year has been defined by a few days that have been busier than many of my previous years. After my interview postponement, Wednesday initially looked to be a busy day anyway. I would be planning classes, in the morning, helping my sister move out at noon and doing language exchange in the evening. This was made even better by the one thing that could make me jump out of my seat, namely, a call from Wellington asking me if I would like to be job interviewed on Thursday (i.e. today). Naturally I was willing but needing to cancel all my classes on today.

So after yesterday, quite naturally came today. This time I would not be denied by the weather. I started off the bat with a Chinese translation test. Pleasingly, it was two news item (something which I had been translating a lot as practice). I was struggling for time but finished with 30 seconds to spare, and no time to check.

Then came a security check and interview. The interview was quite disappointing for me in some ways, as they asked many questions that I had never considered and didn't necessarily give the answer with the emphasis I would have liked. But all in all, it was solid, but not enough to make me feel too confident about getting a result. The psych test was loopy. It started with a IQ test, with a few curve balls and then brain-numbing multichoice test. And then it was off back home. No matter how easy it was to summarise in retrospect, it was a rather exhausting process.

I also had a pleasant chat with my fellow candidates. Out of those there today, I was the only one not with a foreign language from Europe. That could be in my favour. I am pretty sure I am the only person out of those there today who could learn effectively a language outside those they are already familiar with. This is another plus for me.

On the whole, compared to the pre-interview excitement, my surety has been dampened, which is good whatever the result. Either way, if I get the result I wish, I will stop all further reference to the job here.

Whirlwind

I feel afluster. Things have happened quite fast lately, in a good way, and it nice to have a change of fortune.

The one thought that has crowded my mind is that of getting what seems like the job of my dreams: Being a linguist analyst. Last Wednesday I was flown down for a thirty minute interview. The interview itself just indicated I was one of the 30 (!) applicants that they were interviewing in the first round. The interview was mainly about language which was delightful as it is one topic I could talk endlessly about. One interesting aspect is that my core languages may not be the main skill, but rather the ability to acquire languages. THAT'S ME to a "T"!

They told me they'd get back to me on Friday, but were kind enough to call me on the Thursday, to tell me YES come for the second interview (now one of 10), which is this coming Tuesday. This will be much more involved, with a "psych test", a security briefing, a formal panel interview and an hour long translation test (from Chinese to English). Again I am being flown down. The whole thought kept me awake for most of last night continuing a dreadful run of sleepless nights.

Now, here I will demonstrate how loaded my expectations are. If I don't get the job, how disappointed will I be? And if I get the job, how can it possibly meet my expectations? But if I DO get this job, I may just be able to forgive all those damned principals for turning me down so many times. If I were teaching, I would never have noticed this job. In reality, I don't think there is much that could disappoint me in this job though. I have been yearning for a job that is a groove for me to adapt into and make my own, master it and progress to the top over a long time.

So now, till Tuesday, I will be loading my brain with Chinese and practising translation.

So this is the aftermath...

Ah, another test down and another brain-numbing experience.

The day started with me easing into action, getting to Unversity with plenty of time to spare. Regrettably, I suddenly realised that through a little bit of confusion I had neglected to bring the requisite pencil, eraser and pencil sharpener!! (I had put it in a pencil case but then thought it to big and 'thought' I had transferred them to a bag I was taking, but apparently not). So I hustled around trying to find a place that sold pencils. There weren't any. I came in and started going to people asking if they had an extra one. Fortunately, they had extra pencils at the test room.

Also fortunately, unlikely the Chinese Torture test earlier in the year, this one had rest breaks between the sections (the Chinese test was a non-stop 3.5 hour obstacle course of reading, listening and writing). In fact the whole test, as expected, was run like a far too oiled machine. The over-efficiency meant that everyone was ready waiting for each start times, occasionally in stark silence.

My performance, like the Chinese test, is most certainly going to undercut pre-test predictions. Only the first section was anything to write about (I may have got only one or two wrong out of 60+ questions). The listening was the most disappointing as I will not even get near to the heights of my practice test yesterday morning - my lack of ability to gain composure returned. The reading was rushed nearer the end, but I should still have quite a reasonable score.

Likely result: Vocabulary and Characters 96%, Listening 60%, Reading 75%.

But I'll have to wait till late February or early March for the results. That is where they have forgot to oil the Japanese marking machine...

Ecstatica

My last two weeks have been engulfed by nothing but Japanese study (and a few minor things like work, eating, sleeping, and sadly, seeing Xin off to the airport). This period of study has been surprising to me, and has been something I am now quite proud of. The best thing of all: I have almost completely slain my Listening Comprehension demons. They are lying there baring breathing.

To put it in comparison, when I did the Level 2 test in 1998, I got 20% in the Listening, defying even the average result from random guessing (it was multichoice!). When I had begun my course back in July/August, every listening test had me struggling to break even at 50% - and this even after having a 'break-through'. Some nights, admittedly when I was tired after a day of work, I would be getting maybe 30%. When that course ended though, my listening skills faded and in the early stages of my preparation I would be lucky to understand even the Level 3 or 4 tests.

Recently though, I have been slaughtering tests. I just did a practice test and in the section with pictures, I got an unprecedented 14/15 and in the second section (without pictures where you have to rely on listening for the question, the listening segment and the four choices) I got 14/16.

My biggest discovery is that my problem was mainly mental. I used to get flustered and none of the words went in. I probably gained composure through the Chinese study I did earlier as I also exposed myself to a lot of listening and eliminated that weakness. It is surprising listening to listening tests that I had done previously. They are so easy, yet months previously I was all at sea. I now am dousing my brain in Japanese news and current affairs.

With this, I now have immense confidence in my ability to pass tomorrow. In fact, I would even be sure that I would have made a valiant attempt at passing the highest level (I have done the advanced level practice tests).

Lingual pendula

After the hurlyburly of autoclashes and insurance, it is easy to forget that I have a Japanese test to attend to on the 4th of December. Until recently I was dreading it, knowing that since the completion of the Prep course earlier this year, my Japanese had somewhat sunk from prominence.

Suddenly though, I have re-captured my lingual happy thought, also encouraged by the possibility of my dream job and now are burning through a lot of listening material, reading everything in Nihongo, absorbing hundreds of words daily and revitalising my skills.

Tuesday had a good sign. I went to a Chinese vegetarian restaurant and accidentally said 'Arigatoo' to the serving Chinese waitress. She knew I spoke Chinese and she knew I knew she was Chinese and what's more knew that I knew Chinese - but she just walked off thinking I she had misheard me (I assume).

My language exchanges are paying dividends too. But I cannot help but get the feeling my listening skill in particular will not be up to the mark. I am quite able to learn huge quantities of information and do a lot of work in a short space of time, but improving a skill area in a short time is not easy. But I have a strategy in place that I will be following to its conclusion.

Fault lines

Strange times are sometimes the most educational. On my way to an interview on Wednesday morning, I got a call from the guy I collided into. Despite me thinking that all those worries were over, a new chapter began.

He had gone to pick up his car, but suddenly found that he had to pay the excess to get his car back. Apparently if the excess was not paid, the person who is getting repairs courtesy of the insurance company must pay the excess for their repairs. Needing his car immediately, he got the money together and paid it to get the car out.
Yes, I hadn't paid the excess, but I neither did I know that not paying the excess soon enough would cause the other person to be put out.

So he urged me to pay the excess so he could be refunded the money. So not knowing exactly where the nearest place to pay I called the insurance company. After some dilly-dallying, I was put through to another guy who was on his game. He said that despite my misleading indication causing the crash, it was not, according to the Road Code, my fault. I was on the main road and hence I still had the right to change my mind, and him being in a side road should have reacted with a bit more care.

In other words, AA will contest who is at fault with Fintel, in a duel to see who has to pay for the repairs. If it turns out that he is at fault then our repairs will be paid for (!).

Of course this doubles as an ethical problem: The other guy is now out of pocket for my fault (regardless of what the Road Code says) and had to borrow from his father just to get his car back. So I called him with the bad news that the insurance won't be forthcoming immediately, and also made a verbal agreement that I would forward him the money that he had to pay for the excess with the agreement that if the case comes to pass that it becomes his 'fault' then he would send the money back to me.

Xin raised the spectre of suspicion that he could deny the agreement and pocket the money. I do have some evidence, texts and my back account statement to prove that I have done that so if it hypothetically leads to a civil case, I have something. But he has been very understanding despite the circumstances and I believe a little trust is in order.

If it was the case that he was at 'fault', I don't really mind him keeping the excess as it was my fault anyway. But we'll see which way the cookie crumbles.

Nga piki me nga heke

This really was the week that was. It was the most action packed week of mixed fortunes that I have had for some time. It started off on a high, everything was going well and I had well resurrected my job seeking fortunes.

Monday came and a golden call arrived declaring that I was still on the road for my dream job - the linguist analyst position with an interview in early December. Monday was also a day of action in that I started my preparation for an AIESEC event - which I ambitiously asserted my participation upon, deciding to do my first whaikorero (speech at a powhiri, maori lesson, culture session and teaching of Maori songs and the stick game, ti rakau).

Tuesday ushered in frenetic preparation for my paid work and then productive language exchange.

Wednesday was the breaking point. I through together the last of my lesson preparation and then threw myself into a job interview for the National Library. At first this position sounded promising, but then I realised that it was more or less a grunt job. I will have to make a decision whether I will use it as an interim job, and one that will get me a lot fitter, or whether I retain the status quo - provided of course I am selected for the job. I am rather overqualified.
But it was still the breaking point - upon returning from the interview I drove along Manukau Rd in search of capsicums and coriander, instead I indicated one way, changed my mind and drove into a four-wheel drive. Zu, the brave vehicle he is, went for the low blow, slipping under the ribs of the bull-bars and leaving a deep impression on his stunned combatant. We certainly did get him better than he got us. Unfortunately with the 3rd party insurance and being obviously at fault, it was me who became a cropper. Repair bills are depressing and will wipe out a month or two of my savings. From that crash on, I have been a mess.

Thursday and Friday were normal, crazily busy work days with the spice of chess, language exchange and 24. And another primary school job interview arranged!

Saturday was taken up with the AIESEC event. I seemed to be a one-man show for a large part of the time I was there. I was a little disappointed by the amount of preparation that was done before it by the organisers - I think there were a lot of lessons learnt. The time had obviously caught them out. I was the only external 'facilitator'. I took care of the powhiri - my speech rocked and I surprised the hosts with the fact that I could speak more than basic maori. And I had prepared everyone with two maori songs. My session explaining the powhiri went well, so did the culture one, the stick game one and the Maori lesson. I learnt a few things too. I learnt the actions to the haka (again), the words to Ten Guitars and most importantly to me, had my public outing in Maori. I had missed many opportunities last year due to my hesitation and am satisfied that I nailed my opportunities here. A local kaumatua even quizzed me and was a little disturbed that I could name all the main tribes in different locations.

Sunday was the fitting come down with a nice slow day before brunch with my mum and sister for their respective birthdays.

I don't need any more weeks like this frankly. My japanese preparation has suffered and I had better hope for two weeks of rather effective study or else my goose will be cooked again at level two.

Surprise

I got a call last night saying I had a job interview in Wellington for the linguist analyst job. Wow! What's more, they will buy my plane ticket! Apparently it is a long application process for this particular job but I will give it a shot. It might be fun.

Progress and Change

My luck has turned a little for the better lately.

My injured foot has finally healed enough to walk distances without pain. This is a major mobility boost for me as I had been refraining from any walk longer than 5 minutes to give it the time to heal properly. Today I visited the spot where I believe I sprained it - and noted this time a "No Exit" sign next to the entrance to the driveway. I cannot know how I had missed it that night, but it was a sign that reflects so maybe it was not that visible. Also, I might have only glanced up, while watching my step. I have the goal of going on a big walk over the New Year or thereabouts to really test it. And then maybe getting into running within the first half of next year. I have also made moves to diversify my fitness. It is sad that my body is only really a walking machine with little upper body strength, agility or flexibility.

On the employment front, I have more or less decided to abandon my company project as a main source of work and re-started my job search. Lately, I have been losing my working hours due to the efficacy of my teaching: I was graduating off my students as they reached their goals! This is not a bad thing of course, as if they were not achieving their goals, it would be questionable if I were the man for the job. There is also no more students, beyond those I am teaching, that require teaching at F&P, the only growth area for me is... teaching Chinese! If I am still at F&P next year, I will teach another manager there from scratch.

The alternative side to all this is that I have several applications out there for new jobs - a librarian, a linguist analyst and... four for primary schools. I will have an interview for the librarian position this week. After the draining of finance in the last two years (two foreign trips, one year of study without work, and one marginal year of employment)

My personal life is blissful right now and I can only reflect how lucky I am - but the professional and financial side of my life must be the area to correct for me to feel any satisfaction with where I am going and that is my two month goal until the end of the year. Only when I achieve it can any real further goals be made.

The Eels

I went to only my second concert last night (it would have been my third if Massive Attack hadn't cancelled on me a few years ago). The Eels are not a well-known band but one that I became familiar with back at high school when a couple of their songs featured on Max TV regularly. I put the lead singer among Beck, Bjork, Tricky and David Bowie as someone who creates his own trademark music, inhabits it and succeeds on their faithfulness to themselves rather than compromising musically.

When I say The Eels, there is only one true member, with apparently 20 transient band members. The surly gent who is the morbid heart to the band, E, is the writer and frontman is a bit of a character.He also feels very free to be himself, not one to fuss over his appearance or mind bothering people by his incessant cigar smoking. The songs are generally musically simple but touchingly lyrical.

On the whole, the concert was wonderful except for the neverending wait at the start. I was frankly a little peeved, especially that I had failed to bring some refreshments in my bag. We waited long and then were greeted with a 10 minute russian cartoon, and then waited even longer, and got another informative short film introduction to The Eels, but still not the band... And then, maybe an hour after the start time, the curtain went up yet again but this time to reveal a band with strip instruments.

Then on came E, puffing his fragrant cigar (probably breaking the law of December 10 last year) and bursting into song. From that point on he scarcely missed a beat, passing song to song with out pause. His songs are usually no longer than three minutes, although sometimes daring to four.

For a sample of the music: http://myspace.com/eels
"Trouble with Dreams" is pretty cool. I remember it so clearly from the concert.

He bantered with the audience a fair bit. First telling of a few guys cheering while he was speaking. Telling jokes, apologising it taking him 10 years to come to New Zealand and promoting the room party of Chet, the multi-instrument musician (inviting girls only).

The songs were excellent. Having only one of his albums, I knew only four or five of the songs. But he picked my two favourites from that album "Dead of Winter" and "Climbing to the Moon".

The end was amusing. He introduced the last song, saying: 'This is the last song I am contracted to play. But you know after that, we have to play that whole cat and mouse thing. You know. So I just want to say that this is officially the last song.' So he belted out that song, bowed and left with the bad. Then the "cat and mouse" began. The applause, stamping and bottle tapping from the audience went louder and louder. A minute passed. And then the people at the front went even louder. And that's when they came back for another two songs. And then said goodbye again. And then the applause came back. They returned, did a few more songs, and left again. The audience again persisted with applause after they left. And then they came back for the very last song. And left the stage again. The audience cheered and clapped again, requesting they come back. The floor-crew started collecting the equipment. But still the sound went on. We started to leave, along with half the audience. And one of the floorcrew went to the microphone and said: "Sorry folks, the Eels have left the building. No they haven't, they're back!" And back they came, this time dressed in pyjamas and ripped into "I can never take the place of your man" (originally a Prince song). People came pouring back into the St James again. But that was the last.
Cat and Mouse.

Then we went to Kebabs on Queen which it seems that the Eels also got their dinner from because they sent a girl down at the same time we were there. But anyway, it was worth the wait.

Video Reviews - A Billy Bob Thornton double

50c videos and time at home can be a time consuming occupation. Fortunately, I restrict myself to one a week.

The Man Who Wasn't There

I watched this one last week, being that I had seen it in the shop and thought that I might like it, but strangely never got it out. This is perhaps one of the darkest comedies possible, either that or it isn't funny. Filmed in black and white, humour as black as can be, and an actor who makes depression seem like delight, you might be challenged to see any light at all. But Billy Bob Thornton is a cool actor, for whom I have gained a lot of respect. He is one of those solid actors who can be the complete character, and despite appearances has quite a range (as evinced by his Oscar-winning turn in A Simple Plan).

Here he is the lead role and narrator of the story, an unaspiring barber in a routine mundane life. He is suddenly impelled to actually do something different, to finally try to better himself... but a series of consequences consume four lives including his own (and also breaks the clavicle of Scarlet Johansson's character Bitsy).

Watching it was almost reminiscent of reading The Outsider by Camus, in the numbness that the lead leads. His murder of a friend, the trial leading to his own impending execution are all just humdrum excursions on his way through life.

It was a cool movie to enjoy, as long as you are unhurried.

Monster's Ball

This week I decided upon Monster's Ball, mainly because of seeing the other Billy Bob Thornton movie the previous week, but it turned out to be a good choice. I only knew that Halle Berry won an Oscar for her role, a deservingly so.

The movie is almost one long unmitigated personal disasters for all concerned. All of the disasters had large repercussions except for one, the very last one when suddenly it becomes obvious to Leticia (Berry) how fate has dealt to her yet again. But she takes it silently and in that way the film elegantly ends, Leticia swallowing the pain and learning to accept.

As long as you are prepared for the most depressing of melodramas, I highly recommend Monster's Ball simply because it is honest and unflinching and in a heartbeat, moving.

Until today, I have probably been through my most intense period of focussed work and study for a long time. I was hardly distractable. With completion of the Chinese proficiency test, my Dad’s birthday and one day of work at my old language school over the previous three days, I could finally rest today. I didn’t really plan on it, but my mind was determined and I got fixated on all sorts of strange things…

Actually I can pinpoint exactly when in happened. 5pm Monday afternoon, my bus passed another bus, which had been slapped on the left cheek, by a car door, while the bus was moving at quite a speed. Needless to say, all drivers concerned were rather flustered. And the car door was now double-jointed. But I suddenly felt a relaxing feeling spreading through my body.

Today I did do some work but only half as much as I had put into my schedule. The game of internet chess I had started last week had been going very badly. I had been rueing every move, move by sickening move. Today, my opponent pretty much handed me back the game and I have a reasonable chance of winning now.
I demolished a bar of chocolate I somehow bought. I caught some rays (not of the stinging kind), watched the Life of David Gale. I surfed old movie reviews of Lord of the Rings... Boy, do people hold them in high regard. And started ferreting through my drawers for lost treasure.

Hopefully tomorrow I can regain my work-ethic or else I am screwed for my lessons on Thurs/Fri!

One down, One to go

The first of the two language tests that I have been preparing for has now finished.

HSK was not as hard as I thought it would be, but at the same time, I mentally was not as strong as I thought I would be. By the Reading section (3/4 of the way through) I could hardly read a sentence let alone a scientific description of lazer-eye surgery or an item on the new migratory patterns of mammals in Finland (I am not making those up either). When I practiced, I always had at least 5 minutes when I finished each section. This was not the case this time. Each time I was under pressure to finish in the time, and usually did it with only the skin of my teeth remaining.

Overall, I think only the Listening Section will be any higher than my practice tests, grammar may be equal, reading will be lower and maybe the combined final section will be a little lower.

Now I have two months to re-configure my brain again to mellifluous Japanese tapes and barbarically complex grammar patterns for the Japanese Proficiency Test.

Longest Day

From the perspective of paid hours of work, ESOL teaching seems a piece of cake. For years, I worked no more than 5 hours a day, and only in a blue moon more. Of course, unlike other jobs it is mentally more demanding per hour of work too, and on top of that, you have many unpaid hours of work. Going back to teaching after even a week off tends to knock you for six. Actually I can still remember my first week of teaching at the dead-and-buried ASL and every afternoon coming home and passing out on the couch (I had never been one to pass out so easily). Class teaching may be hard, but one-on-one teaching is even more intensive.

As a contractor to my only client, I have slowly been increasing my hours, week after week. I can still remember the first week when I only worked one day and that was for 4.5 hours. And as it was my first teaching one-on-one for quite some time, I was zonked.

Only as I was coming home today did I realise that I had made a new record for working... I had a 6 hour day. This is the longest day I have had of paid work since 1999 (there is one other time that might pull that statement into doubt - I can't quite recall clearly my hours at that time - I don't think I was working mornings). Either way, it is a bumper day for me, but I may be peaking, and the only way to get more would be to spill over to a third day (which will be more acceptable to me after the HSK test, this Saturday). Or get another client but my chances haven't been that high of late and most leads have unfortunately not amounted to anything.

Free business cards to anyone who wants one though!

The Final Straight~

Reminiscent of exam seasons past, I have a 5 day dash to the HSK examination and seeking every shred of vocabulary, listening opportunity and even dreaming of Chinese (unusually, Xin spoke in Chinese in my dream, although not in real life). Overall, I know that I can pass the test easily - the thing is that to pass it is not the important thing. Because I want to attempt the higher level next year, I would ideally want to show that this level is a piece of cake. The test itself has band scores just like IELTS, this means it is not just a pass/fail test but tells you how good you are, or bad you are, with a rough integer score up to 8.

Yesterday, I took another practice test and in the first three sections set personal records in each on (76% in listening, 97% in grammar, 94% in reading), then quite unexpectedly collapsed in the fourth section losing 10/16 marks in one of the two parts. Considering that the whole test is 170 marks, losing 10 marks on one part of one section is criminal. In previous practice tests I was averaging just under 80% for that section; yesterday I got 68%. This has completely distracted me from my self-perceived listening weakness.

Listening in fact is shaping up nicely. I can understand the Chinese radio station with comparative ease. Maybe even better than my Taiwan days (where I understood conversation far better than broadcasts or television). But the tests are not natural Chinese. They are orchestrated logical tricks, sometimes involving rapid mental arithmetic, set idioms, and rhetorical speech.

(in Chinese)

"Does Little Wang know the score in the rugby?"
"Little Wang doesn't know, no-body knows".

Question: "Which of the following statements can be deduced from the dialogue?"
A. Little Wang likes ice-cream.
B. Little Wang knows the score.
C. Little Wang was sucked up a tornado and relocated to Ontario.
D. Little Wang doesn't know.

Of course, the answer is Little Wang knows (B), which once you get the hang of Chinese rhetorical sentences, is obvious. And no the answers aren't usually as ridiculuous as above in the Listening (although often that way in the Reading that test).

Anywho, back to a day of my nose to the grindstone.

Party time

Well my 27th birthday has passed once more. This time a much less ambitious party plan was chosen, and went smoothly.

Probably the nicest revelation is to find I can take on much less mental burden and still have a party go well. Usually I usually squash myself with stress and preparation, and usually control things far too much. This time, I even darted out of the house to grab some sushi for about 15 minutes. Everyone still seemed to be chatting nicely when I had returned.

Some of my overpreparations came to nothing. I was really concerned about there being enough food, but in the end it was just enough. I had to be reminded that I had sushi, completely forgot I had olives, didn't put out the alternative beverages and even when I did, everyone kept drinking the tea. The food side of things almost fell apart, with some food not living up to expectations in my eyes but were praised by others. One person seemed intent on finding my secret ingredient to my Tomato Basil Tofu.

The strange day was short but far superior to the previous effort on the 13th of August last year. There were sufficient ideas, and more importantly will, to go through with things - this might be due to those involved. I resolved a curious doubt I had about the philosophical question dilemma, where no-one seemed to be interested in contributing a substantial question and may approach the issue differently next time.

Champions
Leg-wrestling: Andrew (winning the final against Xin)
Straightface keeping: Paul (2 mins 30 seconds undefeated)

A Change

As my work-life changed from being at a work-place to being predominantly at home, I was confronted with the challenge to change my habits. It is far too easy to be lazy at home.

Today can be a landmark of sorts. It is the first day at home that I have worked myself to exhaustion at home. After one spell of typing, my arms had a sudden feeling that I could type no longer on the computer. I even felt a little dizzy (thought I might have another tinnitus attack, but apparently not).

After all that, I went and did a practice test for HSK, which probably was not the best choice of times to do so, I completely missed a few of the listening questions. I think the test was harder too, and I probably wouldn't have matched my previous scores anyway. Needless to say, my score was lower than expected.

Lixiang de Jinxingqu

Along with my work, I now have an immediate goal, the HSK Chinese examination on October 15th. For this test, I must be the most well-prepared person around. On my last trip to China, over a year ago, I bought big on books to prepare for it.

It must assess certain skills quite reliably because in the two successive times I took the practice test I got virtually the same result. That being said, it neglects two major skill areas; speaking and writing - a bit like Chinese TOEFL/TOEIC etc. It also is almost completely multichoice - which pedagogically speaking is not a good test design (easy to mark though). It essentially tests how well people do multichoice rather than language ability. Having written answer questions etc. is superior. The Japanese Proficiency Test has similar shortcomings.

One of the aspects of these are that they usually require memorisation and test technique. For example, it will simply ask you what something means, sometimes without much context. Idioms and proverbs are thrown in, and you might have to recall the meaning, or worse, choose which is the correct third character etc. In such situations, I revert to the abhorrent of learning techniques - the kind I tell all my students to avoid - rout learning and the like. I can actually do such base methods well. I found an excellent website (www.chinesemorning.com) which has a 7 day trial period but has lessons for HSK. One is a lesson to teach 800 idioms (of which I already know about 30). It says: "Approximately 72 days (Based on 50min Study/Day) "
Bah! I can learn them in seven days. And well my memory function is pretty efficient. In three days, I have consumed over half of it. Already I heard a couple of them that I learnt on the Chinese radio - which is good, as it shows that I have learnt them.

I will re-do the test tomorrow and also on Sunday to practice my exam technique and to evaluate the points that I need to really focus on in the last two weeks of preparation.

A Pick-me-up

Well, after a bit of disappointment with work, lately I have had some success - some of it completely out of the blue.

On Thursday, suddenly a new teaching option arose: Teaching Chinese! Some workers at F&P were interested in studying Chinese, and as they go on work-trips to China - F&P are interested in having me teach. So, suddenly I have another stable class. I have actually taught Chinese before, to a friend. But the amount of extra time to prepare caught me by surprise. It has taken a little bit of time to rearrange my thinking.

Then on Monday, I had two interviews, one with the Chamber of Commerce, and the other with NZ Police. Neither gave immediate openings, but gave a way to proceed. It was also quite exciting.

And now just 10 minutes ago, I got a call on my cellphone - from one of the companies I sent my one page proposal to. Surprisingly, for budgetting purposes, she wanted to know my price structure for reference.

All of these give me reasons to push on - if I had one more full(ish) day of work at another business - I would be able to be easily making in three days what I were in one week at a language school.

Hard Going

My one-man business has not really gathered any momentum. I only have one realistic lead secondary lead currently and although I still rate it as realistic, I have done what is an admission of defeat:

I applied for another job.

And I am seriously considering re-starting my primary school applications. It pains me to do so, but I have been feeling rather down about the whole employment thing. I NEED a regular job to get some rhythm out of my life. My business is softening my brain.

Anyway, back to work.

I'm so lame

Well, just as my running programme was gaining a bit of momentum I have received a rather sudden and unpleasant setback.

Last night, I decided to step up the distance and time of my running. I set off after 7pm after a busy day. I made the goal of running at least 30 minutes in a random loop run. So I weaved through suburbia, reaching the corner of Manukau and Greenlane Rd at the most distant point of my run, before my turn for home. I came back from there along The Drive, weaved down Empire Rd and then onto St Andrews. I crossed to the right hand side of the road when I noticed that the footpath disappeared into a lower part below the level of the road, also serving as a driveway for many homes. I had seen these before and often you can go through them and re-emerge with the road, so I decided to chance it and go down. But this was not a good choice. Being off the road, there was limited light and it was hard to see exactly where my feet were going. I ran for about 20 metres when I discovered to my annoyance that the path was not a thoroughfare, and I came to a dead end. So I turned and went back up when after a few paces, my left foot entered a dip of some sort (I will investigate at a later date, in the light of day). My ankle rolled overbalancing me and throwing me into the ground. I knew exactly what had happened and rolled on my back to mention a few things to the starry sky.

I got up gingerly and looked and felt the damage. My ankle was sprained, but I didn't know exactly to what extent. My knees and hands were warm and more than a little bit grazed. Blood ran down from my right knee. One thing I knew from my last sprain is that you shouldn't rest it until you are where you can rest for a long time. If I rested, it would swell and then be impossible to walk on. So I limped home for 20 minutes on my injured foot.

Once home I realised that it was not the same foot as what I sprained last year. Not good! Spraining makes your whole ankle weak permanently. Now I have two ankles which that has happened too. A brief look at my new shoes also show a puncture mark on top of my left shoe. Obviously the force of my fall had damaged them.

On the bright side, the sprain is far milder than my previous sprain. There is very little bruising and I am more mobile now than at a previous stage last time. Also it was treated earlier and better. Last time, I could only hop for three days, my sprained foot not being able to cope with any weight. So I will delay all other running for at least a month or three. My planned Birthday Walk would be a little in doubt, although I will probably do it anyway.

Running records (this is mainly for personal record for my memory, probably boring)

In the last two weeks, I have attempted to start running again. This is not the first time but I am hoping it will be something of a sustained effort.

My running habit was fairly strong all through school representing my primary school and high school at cross-country competitions. But soon as I started University, the regularity started to drop off. I still enjoyed the benefits of being fit but my aerobic fitness, flexibility, weight, and every other sign of fitness slowly deteriorated. The one thing that slowed the decline was my predilection towards walking. Even when I was in Taiwan, I seized the chances to go on day walks up through the mountains behind my University and up to the temples and tea-huts that were there. In an effort to save money I also walked rather than bus or take the MRT. Now that I mention it, I also ran on a track with a friend in Taiwan too.

Upon returning to New Zealand, On many occasions, I decided to start running but each time it seemed so very hard and I seldom persisted. Occasionally I was getting some in my ankle and arch too, so that complicated my attempts at rehabilitation. Then in 2001 I started to run with James semi-regularly. But one long run along the waterfront really did aggravate my ankle. I left it a little while and gradually the pain was less but I still walked with a lot of pain. Following that, I did purely masochistic walking, firstly my conquering of Great Barrier (which is a feat I still marvel at today) and then to circumambulate Auckland Harbour with Eric. Both I did with considerable self-inflicted pain and hardheadedness. It was only at the start of the next year that I visited a podiatrist to find that I was flat-footed and according to that specialist, would not ever be cut out for running.

Prescribed orthotic insoles helped me regain my walking habit while reducing the likelihood of pain. I walked again unhindered but through 2002 and 2003 I hardly ran a kilometre. In 2004, I had another setback with being hobbled by spraining my ankle. This caused me much distress. It stopped me walking for several days and then hindered me with a limp for several weeks. A few months later I was motivated to strengthen my system once more and started running short runs (the lesser and greater blocks), but after five runs something 'went' in my ankle and again I couldn't run. Early this year, I made myself run once more, but it was only once.

Now is probably the time when I have had most confidence in my foot stability, and I have had four short runs and recorded times faster than any others in the last three years. So far I have only had a few twinges in my feet but nothing that has stopped me to any great extent. My two measures of fitness are the lesser and greater blocks and I have records of 9:08 and 13:58 for them respectively.

One-and-three-quarter clients

Well, I am still stuck with the one loving, and ever growing, client. I may have even more hours of work there as of next week. I might actually make more than I am spending (gasp!).

On the marketing front, I have had a little good news today. Firstly, I met with the ACT Asian Chapter about possible support. But they are completely run by donation of course (politics alone generates nothing), so they need to pass it by their treasurer, so they asked me to lower my price (to levels I was asking F&P for originally till I bumped it up). But there are no promises till after the election.

And also a company called In Step Limited, which provides staff support and services, has put me on their books although there is no guarantee of work till they have a client who needs my services. It is a start though and it is nice to finally get something from the phone calls I have been making.

The Liberation and Domestication of Push

Suburban Auckland is often the battleground of a feline turf-war. Territories are staked out and defended, patrolled leading to inevitable skirmishes and clashes. In such hurly-burly, sometimes there are losers and one of those losers, on a grand scale was Push the pussycat.

Push's weak psychological make-up is a map to the past, and it would not appear to be a happy one. When Push came to us, she was a sickly sight, her whole arm having got passed through her flea-collar, the fur under her legpit and skin had been mostly removed. She reacted with anxious hissing and hasty flight with anyone's advance. She was bony, probably diseased and a mess.

Her outright defensiveness and her miserable state might indicate irresponsible ownership, but to a house of two excessively caring suburbanites, Push was the ripe target for concern. Milk was put out and then tasty snacks. No gratitude was received for this, and no approach was possible due to pussycat paranoia and evasive action.

Then yesterday, coaxing with food on several occasions finally gave me the opportunity to get in contact with Push. The final session included about 10 minutes of tempting and slowly approaching. I ignored the hisses and eventually Push made the move to eat. I patted her for the first time and heard the most unlikely sound - a meow. I then slid a pair of secateurs under the collar and snipped it. Push whose face was immersed in the food hardly noticed, the collar however didn't fall off. It seemed stuck. I left Push but when I returned, all that remained was the collar with fur and maybe a little flesh lying there.

Push is still very defensive but we had a nice chat tonight and Mum even got a pat (that is, she patted Push). We are still waiting the SPCA to come around and take Push away, regrettably we don't need a cat. I am sure Push will either get the medicine she needs or at worst euthanaised. Er....

Brutal

I forgot how brutal cold calling really was. Pinpricks of hope on an otherwise bruisingly unsuccessful time.
But there is hope nonetheless.
But I can't really consider myself succeeding till the number of my client companies surpasses the one very good-natured company I work with now...

The complete review of tea

Pu-Erh 4 / 6
- An aged Chinese tea from the province of Yunnan.

"Deep, Earthy, subtle aftertaste, light aroma, full-bodied, ancient, placed me in an old chinese village."
"Smokey, earthy, very warming"

Rangitoto Blend 4.1 / 6
-A blend of assam and ceylon teas with vanilla.

"Very creamy"
"Easy to drink but it had a charcoal aftertaste. Soothes the throat"
"Very palatable, with a hint of spice, perhaps a tad too bitter."

Oolong Earl Grey 3.6 / 6
-A cross between green and black teas with a flavouring of bergamot oil.

"Initial smokiness, further consumption brings othe the citrus smell - primitive comination of flavours"
"Bitter, reminded me of green tea but was quite drinkable, I liked it."
"Wheaty smell. The taste failed to excite but I would still drink it on the couch watching DVDs"

English Afternoon 2.7 / 6
- A traditional blend of ceylon tea.

"Tastes like rangitoto blend, maybe the English are sleepy in the afternoon so they mistakenly think it's a different tea."
"Insipid. Only for languid afternoons."
"Perfect for someone who wants to drink tea in a hurry."

Grannies' Garden 3.1 / 6
- A fruit tea with a mix of berries.

"Simple and fruity without being overpowering"
"Very sweet, but not too sweet, nice and flavoursome"
"Strawberry!! Nice!!! Love it!"
"This is not a tea"

Sencha Spice 3.2 / 6
- Green tea with indian spices.

"Wasabi"
"Very strong, pungent flavour"
"Makes me feel drunk. Strange texture."
"Reminds me of autumn in the Netherlands; a hint of pepernoten. The smell is more aggressive than the tast - doesn't overwhelm the palate."


Genmaicha 4.8 / 6
- a Japanese green sencha tea with popped rice (available in all loose leaf tea shops).

"Ricy and Zenlike"
"Pure and subtle"
"Tastes... er.... GOOD!!!"
"Hits the spot quite nicely"

Lapsong Souchong 4.5 / 6
- a smoked traditional black tea.

"Richly smoky. Textured like a gypsy's dress"
"Stays with you a longtime after drinking"
"Like lying in front of a wood fire on a sheepskin"
"Kind of moorish"

Bengal Chai 4.5 / 6
- a chai tea made with blacktea, cardamon, pepper and cinnamon.
(Purchased at Tea Total inMilford, $7.90/100 grams)

"Very nice"
"Perfect for drinking at a small town cafe on the way homefrom a roadtrip, A feel-good tea"
"Lovely"

Rooibos Earl Grey 3.4 / 6
-South African rooibos with the flavouring of rooibos.

"Smells likes Jif washing liquid"
"The bergamot flavour destroyed the subtlety."
"Earthy but with a masculine taste of bergamot"
"I could drink a bucket of this."

Things that make you go....

Yesterday was a terrible day that got better and better. Today was a good day that had one period of complete confusion. There is only one hour of time that is really that interesting though:

After I finished my Fisher and Paykel teaching, I contacted my Dad to meet him and Adam, the newest member to my family tree. Anyhow, he is a cute little one, a little bit early apparently and certainly a bit dozy (he was on song last night). At first sight, he looks more like Dad than Armin but things can change, and I am yet to see him with his eyes open.

After chatting a bit, I felt a little hot, so I removed my vest, and then the world was a little shaky, and my strength faded. I made myself a place on the bed but then the world was disappearing. I felt like I was about to faint (I have had experience at fainting). Dad guided me out the door and got me to sit down outside. Ringing came to my ears and and the rest of the world became muffled and maybe for a brief period I was in a black void. Then I came back, and I could talk to my Dad again, the tinny sound, quieter now persisted for a few minutes more. It almost sounded like it came from around me so I had to check that it was only me hearing it. It was tinnitus - a condition my Dad has in a more severe form - Meniere's disease. I had better see the doctor to know exactly what this will mean to me.

After I got up and about again and said my farewells, I left to investigate Tea Lovers, which is owned by the same people as Darjeelingz. This could have been guessed due to the colours of the walls. A pretty shop and I indulged in an Irish Breakfast. Not too bad, and as it is in the proximity of Fisher and Paykel, I may fill up my card reasonably quickly! I also bought the leaves of the nastiest tea I have tried in recent times - Lapsang Souchong - which is starting to grow on me. Drinking it now, I am~

Oh, and one other good thing, I bought $30 of fuel this morning at $1.39/L and in the afternoon it was $1.43/L. I should have filled it up to the top maybe but $30 will take me a fair bit of time to go through.

New member to the family

I now the half-brother I never had! Adam Joseph Goudie was born today.

Well-worn paths

Sometimes skills and experiences from the past come to fore suddenly and you are thankful for experiences you have gone through. It was strangely coincidental that I did a speech at an AIESEC recruitment session at AUT just over a week ago saying what I had learnt through my AIESEC experience. Back in the day of my own recruitment, I remember forcing myself to call companies in my first year of AIESEC, then in subsequent years guiding the next generation to do the same and gaining the confidence to do so, and to be a model of how to do so.

Today I cold-called ASB and Telecom to offer my ESOL services and all of it was utilising the phone system navigation and marketing skills I had gained. Of course, someone without the experience could have done it but perhaps committing a few mistakes that maybe I can avoid this time round. It still remains to be seen whether it produces any outcomes but that is an aspect of cold-calling too. Understanding that effort in the short term does not always correlate directly with results in the short term, but has to be viewed in a long-term framework.

Naturally, this day turned out to be perhaps 300% more productive than Monday, not that it was a difficult task, I cannot say I achieved all that I could have today. I have given myself a rest from my Japanese drills and focussed on the business set-up, tutoring preparation and tea party preparation. I also gave myself a walk/run to get myself moving. Writing plans and a list of things to do have not been effective in getting me moving. As always it comes down to the mental push to go and just do things. Cattle-prods should not be necessary, but it is hard to psychologically rearrange oneself from a employee mentality (in which I tend to thrive). Probably the biggest motivator is to think financially. If I don't get my business going at fair rate, I will be earning only a minimum amount. I think I need to have a more materialistic, greedy mantra. "Making money is good", up till now it has been "Making tea is good!" (I have drunk soooo much).

The only hitch is that I am yet to complete the cryptic (something I have been doing almost at will, and usually quickly).

Tomorrow will be my second to last Japanese class, and I will be submitting a timed test paper. That means I will be getting a true measurement of my progress in relation to passing the second level test that I have put all the effort into achieving in December. If I am I will exert the next two months to preparing for the Chinese test (HSK) which happens in October. I think I can already get a pretty good score, but pushing the boundaries is a good idea. After that test I can properly brush my Japanese back up and assail the December test.

Meanderings

I haven't come off work well and I have struggled to step back into a productive rhythm. And what is worse, the price of organic chickpeas has skyrocketed (3 times what it was). But all is not bad, I have increased my F&P work by 1 1/2 hours a week which is nice. Also my disturbing dreams have ceased (well my memorable dreams). I am making my own social event and already mentally planning my birthday party.

I also tried to go completely crazy, trying to increase consumer spending over Xin's birthday weekend, which also coincided with The Food Show. Food Shows tend to make me go funny. I love to be surrounded by such interesting food and new products. Despite the exorbitant entry price ($18), you get a whole meal of samples and drinks, get vouchers to reduce the price of things you buy and get discounted things. Of course with me, I buy pricy unimportant things. I love buying (edible) oils. I got hempseed oil this time and came close to getting a wonderfully expensive bottle of olive oil, but I couldn't find the stall... The tea side of thing was good and bad. The Twinnings stall was very disappointing but Chai and Kerikeri Tea did well and one benefitted for my extravagance.

Timeshift

With the sudden change in my working lifestyle, I am still out of kilter. I am not as good at working without structure so I need to be more regimented.

Since leaving my regular teaching, I have been beset by poor sleep (infected by Japanese study, words and sentences floating in and out of my mind for what seems like hours in bed) and then strange nightmarish dreams of suicide (using explosives or jumping off buildings). Such dreams are very out of the ordinary for me but it is probably not unexpected when you have a change in life.

But on the study side of things, it couldn't be better. I have two remaining classes and last night scored my highest listening test result. Either I was guessing better or just had a fresher mind to capture important facts or perhaps I have bombarded my brain with Japanese radio news and listening tapes since I began having more time ;-)

I found my listening skills was held back on two points, vocabulary and general listening speed. So often, even if I squint my ears (if that is possible) to not have a clue about the answer, only to find that the key words were all ones far yonder even my vaguely known vocabulary.