Vice

Vices come in all shapes, sizes and flavours. Mine are alcohol, excessive smartphone use, vacillation, impatience to progress and change things and people, equivocation, intransigence, general messiness and lack of composure when manoeuvering a car out of carparks (all three scratches on the car are due to that). That's definitely not an exhaustive list. And probably my list of self-perceived vices will differ from those seen by others. Others might limit the definition of "vice" to more extreme, evil kinds of behaviour but a lot of the damaging outcomes can come from small weaknesses of character and behaviour.

Speaking of over-absorption in smart devices, the outcomes could range from phubbing loved ones to crashing your car into another vehicle and killing the occupants. (I don't know if anyone has crashed a plane due to it, but the warnings about turning them off even while taxiing imply that it could increase the chances of it.) Messiness, probably one of my more egregious workplace vices, probably won't hurt anyone but in a world where perception is everything it probably costs money due to agents and even students not believing in my professionalism. It could result in a necessary document for a visa not being processed and the student's situation being irrevocably changed.

Alcohol, which I've mentioned in this blog before, has well-known consequences. In the Herald there was a shock article that many people thought that they could have a drink or two and still be able to drive. I admit that if I know that I'm having a meal out that will last over an hour, I have regularly one standard glass of alcohol with the theory that it "isn't much" and that food and time will metabolise the alcohol. But in 2019, I'm committing not to do that any more. I'm a bad enough driver as it is without imbibing a handicap.

So far in my life my vices haven't caused too much harm to myself (as far as I know) or to others. In alternative realities they easily could. As mentioned last year, I know how drug use destroyed the hopes of a student. I told all students today the moral message of this - when you are abroad, there will be temptations but you must be responsible. I passed on this line to another teacher to present to that student body and he smirked. I then added: "I know it sounds like a community service advertisement, but what happened is reality and not a scare tactic. The student's decision messed up his life." Anecdotally I'd heard that that particular teacher wasn't averse to recreational drugs and even with the real life story didn't seem convinced about the need to share the moral with students. His vice, even if he doesn't regard it as that, clearly hasn't led him to peril and perhaps didn't want to even acknowledge the risk itself.

In recent life, I've seen what gambling has done to the life of another and his family. Frankly this case has dominated my mind lately as gambling addiction along with the secrecy, abuse of credit and trust turn a weakness into a black hole that rips at the fabric of all the relationships and people in the vicinity. Since another one of my vices is an obsession with getting information and analysis, I've had the guilty pleasure of analysing some aspects to the point that I can tremble in outrage. On the day before the addiction came to a head (for the second time in five years), the addict made 23 bets, gambling over $10,000, winning a few along the way but generally losing. Tellingly, even after when his wife realised there was money missing from an envelope she had at home and confronted him in a text message, he still made another two bets. The total debt from the whole affair is enough to buy small house. I spoke to another colleague about this case and he mentioned how he also had a penchant for sports betting and was shocked that it could lead someone's life to come asunder. Presumably his betting never went beyond set limits.

It starts to build into a narrative of susceptibility and circumstance, or perhaps that's too simple. Like all things I hope that self-awareness, meta-cognition and knowledge are enough of a solution. In the end, there are very few true accidents and most are due to the little self-inflicted factors, whether it be one crucial flaw or the confluence of many among many people. I mentioned that the gambling disaster was the second time it had happened to this person. The first time when it came to a head, there was much pain and suffering, with only 10% of the monetary debt associated with it. Family helped save the day but there is now the awareness that that might have caused this bigger second coming of the gambling addiction. The support and indulgence of others may itself be a vice in this case. (That and clearly his lack of responsibility, pride and self-control.)