Irony and Philosophy


I finally managed to download the entire virus definition update from Norton over dial-up on Saturday morning (had tried many times but it kept impatiently disconnecting me from their server). At the same time, my own biological virus definitions proved to be out-of-date to the parallel advance of microbes into my own person. How those tiny particles can torpedo the energetic flow of a life, bringing my cellular edifice to a screeching halt! I walked to the shop for milk this morning (barely 100 metres) and felt like I was dragging sandbags.


While down, I continued to read a book Black Mass: Apocalyptic Religion and The Death of Utopia by John N. Gray (the N being rather important in distinguishing him for the writer of Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus). I realised I may have uncovered a philosopher who shares a particular facet of my beliefs, extending it far beyond the narrow idea I had, and setting out its validity with (saving me the job).


An idea I have had in the past was simply that ideologies were doomed to fail because they usually didn't factor in human nature, no matter how noble the principle. Gray's point is much more sophisticated in seeing that most modern ideologies all feature something like a utopia or 'apocalypse' (or both). He reasoned that this was a hang-over from Christianity, with a teleological understanding of time and history (i.e. focussed on an end-point).


Take the simple idea of progress. It is true that we have had scientific and medical progress; but have we progressed as a species (beyond the barbarism of previous times)? Has our very nature been improved? He'd say no. We may have at one stage eliminated slavery and eliminated torture, but the desire to use both is still with us; and if we aren't vigilant both will return (well, only Americans deny that torture hasn't returned yet to 'Western' nations).

Most ideologies would posit an ideal end-time when things reach their optimal. The ACT party would see heaven as a small government with liberal policies. Is it an article of faith that once we get there it will be all milk and honey? If we sacrifice a large proportion of the state and the institutions that have developed around it, will things continue better than currently?


Gray points the finger at the Enlightenment, where Reason was brought forth as having the power to progress and perfect society. This resulted in a range of ideals: communism, liberalism and republicanism etc. Almost all of these ideals have killed a great many in their implementation. The idea that liberal democracy has worked in Western states is seen as an example of perfection by liberals and neo-conservatives, and it follows that if applied to other countries that it should have similar results. The United States with allies have attempted to do this in Iraq and Afghanistan and are yet to really show any real signs of achieving legitimate government.

This is a very useful lens with which to look at many contemporary political actions. I may investigate his previous book, the apparently more seminal Straw Dogs.

Presenteeism, infection, incubation, symptoms and exhaustion

I believe a circle was completed today. Last Thursday my newest student came slightly under the weather to my class. He had been sick, off-work for a day and had come back to work still not 100%. "Shouldn't you be still offwork I asked him?" He demurred.

Monday evening, I had forgotten my keys and had to wait for Xin to return. I felt unwell as the rain came intermittently. Upon getting in, I increasingly felt uncomfortable. It was the flu. Tuesday and Wednesday were both spent at home ($300 of income lost). Back I went today, I had thought I was mostly back to health but I wasn't. Each of the five lessons today were long and it was a relief as each finished.

The last lesson of the day I met the student from last Thursday. He had had two days off this week already, still being ill. In fact, he still had a sore throat and had got antibiotics to treat it.

Driving home was exhausting. I feel rather deadish.

Did I come back too early too?

Succumb

My back is finally almost right.
My ankles are coming into stability.
My weight has come down.
I have been sleeping well again...

And after all those victories, I have been knocked over by a nasty cold, which I think is my first of the year. It is my first sick-day this year. Sick days immediately hit my income which is always a consideration. Irritating for me is that this week at my new company I was to do evaluations for two new students which immediately increases my hourage there. But these things are all unavoidable and the best option is always to allow rest to overcome the lurgy.

The man with the two tonne head

I hate sickness.

Sick of sickness

Another sequence of sickness... Stricken down yet again by another marauding cold. But it has been an interesting time in the last three days. A whole spectrum of emotions, experiences, doubts and expectations.

Despite saying my diary writing in this blog may end I can't help but record this.

Tuesday finished feeling like a Friday, where everything seemed to be finishing.
Wednesday I awoke like Saturday and I threw myself heavily into Chinese study and applying for jobs. Unfortunately I got waylaid by temptation and then by an ink-cartridge on its last legs.
Wednesday was also a climax of sorts in so many ways. Because what could have been seemed like it would be and the dilemmas that created were rather profound. Then suddenly it was obvious that it couldn't be and then there was no problem at all. As my sickness arose my irritation and impatience came too. Thursday I flew into a frenzy when my A-Zone card disappeared when I was about to meet Fiona. 7 applications were ready to be sent so I needed to send them, but I had no bus card to go to Newmarket with. I was always mentally calculating how connecting buses would work if I gave up on my card-search and paid with cash, always thinking that I couldn't neglect to send those applications... Then my card appeared and I was off in an anxious flash.

Pain and Suffering

This morning with the sickness rising into my eyeballs, I watched The Passion of the Christ, an interesting study of pain. As gory as it is said to be, I think most of the people who complained about it have trouble with reality. It is interesting on a personal level, just because I have always had an interest in the human bodies pain threshold. Not that I have much pain, give much pain or experience anything more traumatic than a tractor front end trapping my foot, a 240V electric shock or a bee sting. If I was a person with secret knowledge that I couldn't disclose, could I stand up to torture?

On a theoretical level, I am interested in it too, and the significance on Christ's suffering in the Christian religion. Their symbol the cross is afterall a tool of a tortuous execution. I really want to explore with a Christian how they substantiate the necessity for his sacrifice. Logically I don't think it sticks together well, although admittedly I would struggle to put those doubts into a logical argument.

Three "me"s in the Symphony

I had another night at the orchestra tonight. My stuffed up sinuses prevented me from appreciating it in its full glory. There was a fine young pianist by the name of John Chen who showed his range. And then the night was capped off by Tchaikovsky's 1812 symphony which apparently he hated but has become on of the most iconic pieces of music. While I appreciated those things, my mind was usually locked in distractions and abstractions. I suddenly thought of another trichotomy. That is the three versions of oneself. There is the me I think I am, the me that I am and the me that others take me to be. They are rarely the same and usually all very different. In the past month I have started to observe the differences between what I am and what I think I am. It is quite disturbing frankly. Of course, these are always in flux. The perceptions other people have are different for each person. And their perceptions are based only on a superficial representation of yourself at a few moments in time, so are never likely to approach accuracy.

Worried?

"Pain is a relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens. Events may create physical pain, but they do not in themselves create suffering. Resistance creates suffering. Stress happens when your mind resists what is...The only problem in your life is your mind's resistance to life as it unfolds." - Dan Millman

I forgot to have a proper shower.

The Comeback Kid

I'm back. Still sick, but back teaching on a moderately successful day. Surviving is one of the success criteria which I have fulfilled. Fortunately it was not a rigorous routine day, but a day where there were relaxing activities like Drama (which now is confirmed as an easy subject to teach) and the Great Wednesday Quiz (which I have made subtle alterations to make it co-operative, as well as prepared for rather than extemporaneously grasping questions, so very happy). My actual science lesson fell over somewhat which requires some introspection. I knew even yesterday it would fall over, but it was a necessary step. I lacked the energy yesterday to make it work even in my head. The one highlight was the use of concept cartoons, which caught the attention of the class (thanks Xin!) possibly succeeding in securing the learning objective for the day (making a hypothesis).

Now I need a breath, but tomorrow's planning will hinder any genuine rest. I might vegetate in front of US election coverage, read School Journals and have another tea.

Oh dear.

A day's worth of pennicillin. An early night. Seemingly improving yesterday. All meant nothing.
I awoke this morning and feel probably the worst I have felt in this bout of ill-health. The illusory pain in my ear (radiated pain as my doctor called it) seems to be boring into my skull. The cold/flu symptoms are more prominent and the pain in my mouth excruciating at times.

So, defying my expectations, I am having another day off.

I remember my first year at ASL when I might have only had one day off in a year. And my high school days when I got attendence awards (some of my only days off were actually caused by... throat ulcers). Anyway, I might watch the Passion of the Christ today just to make my pain seem less significant.

The Drugs will Work

Yeah, I have been to the doctor and now have a small arsenal of antibiotics with which to strafe the unsuspecting bacteria that are ruling the roost at the back of my mouth. Unfortunately the flu symptoms are likely to be caused by a virus meaning that my body would have to deal with those independently.

I received my third application rejection today. But using this time to put together another few of my best applicatory shots into the education world.