Bliss

In our adrenalin filled world, an idea of bliss is sometimes hard to find. Maybe my last list mixed bliss and happiness, and probably with some pleasure in there too. For me now, bliss is the feeling of being unencumbered, released from something or to be immersed in an experience and hence released by other things.

The most interesting thing for me is that the bliss itself is not pleasure nor pain, but just experiencing what the senses bring..

Happiness is...

...a warm bun

...love re-affirmed

...a painless back

...tasting food

...a nice sleep

...ranting in synchronicity and in tune with a fellow ranter

...a rainy day

...watching healing

...connecting to someone through an image

...unexpected acceptance

...working
(feel free to add to this)

Old friend

When it comes to friends, I'm a sieve. I enjoy people and their friendship when they are around me - but change my situation and suddenly I lose touch. Until recently, the longest-term friendship from start to finish (not in consecutive years) I had was 12 years. This friend I had lost contact with but was re-acquainted with after a hiatus. On Piha on Sunday, though, I was lucky enough to bump into a primary school friend whom I knew for two years (form one and two) so that means I finally have a friend whom I had known more than 15 years ago. I am rather interested in re-establishing our friendship and will undertake efforts to make sure it happens.

Interestingly, in my job interviews for GCSB last year they would have required me to give the details of someone who I had known for over 15 years - a task which would have been very difficult.

The third week of the year

is drawing to a finish. I didn't get around to planning my professional career much. Priority was given to embracing the little time I had with my lover before she goes back to her island and mountain, and with me preparing for work proper, also resting with back pain I didn't have a terribly large amount of time to do any of the investigations I was planning.

What my sister believes is a back spasm is causing me no end of grief. Fortunately I'll be going to the physio on Saturday and hopefully healing can begin. It is overshadowing my usual worries about my ankle.

My good news is that I have moved to three days a week for work, an extra 4 hours a week. Anyone who knows my pay rate knows that this is quite a significant increase. I want to make this year count as much as I can financially so it is a good start.

"And we are both utterly humorless about our vegetarianism."

The line above was part of a Simpsons episode which at first I didn't really understand. Sometimes Simpsons seems to pack everything into being a joke so sometimes it is easy to think that something is a flat joke when it is not. But now I may have realised that maybe there was a vegetarian amongst the scriptwriters who was trying to relay a general experience.

Last night, I had dinner with a primarily Mainland Chinese group of people. And with every new person came the thrice repeated series of: "Oh Daniel's vegetarian" "Oh, how many joys and pleasures you'll miss out on." "How will you ever become full?" "Do you eat fish? Some vegetarians eat fish" "What about prawns?" And for once I was starting to get a bit humorless.

A Chinese student of mine, with some insight, may have explained to me earlier about how Mainland Chinese have a harder time understanding voluntary vegetarianism (or any semblance of animal rights). He mentioned that Chinese have starvation in their far too memorable recent past (barely a generation ago). With all the culinary bliss to be thankful for it is a sin not to take all that you can.

Winding up

...seems a rather contradictory phrase. If you wind up a business, or your work for the day, it is about to finish, whereas in terms of someone about to punch you, it is about building energy to unleash upon... in preparation of a beginning.

I am winding up (the latter) for 2006 with some resolution not to let 2005's slump continue.

After a restful first week to the new year, chewing through books, playing with my step-sis and acquainting myself with my half-bro, I have plunged back into busyness - mostly in a preparatory manner. Doctors were on my list of things to do - Optometrists, dentists and doctors. My eyes haven't regressed a smidgin. The only thing threatening my teeth are a couple of rather unwise upstarts that will need to be dealt with this year. Once my ankle is better, I will be physically well set for my onslaught this year.

The next two weeks (starting Monday) will be a complete review of where I am going and analysis of the options in front of me. Will it be work or study proper?

During this time, I will be also reviewing my spiritual path for the year. Whether I need to reflect back on it or progress in a different direction. I have pretty much taken the direct focus away from it over the last few years. But it might be time to re-evaluate the foundation on which I stand.

Chess will also have its time under my eye to decide whether I want to get back into competitive chess. I have felt a little dimmer since I stopped playing.

And with the temporary return of my beloved on Friday evening, it also provides a time to have a look at 2006 and contemplate what it might hold.

Decompression

I have entered a pleasant post-Christmas phase. The pre-Christmas stress and study have been transformed into a reading, sleeping, walking, breathing phase. My ankle feels mostly OK except for occasional moments - so much so I might have a New Year's Walk.

Nothing much more to say but: Bliss.

Crappy 2005

Well, all I can say is this job application process has been both the best and worst of this year. There was no phone call confirming that I have seized for myself my own dream job, and this was the day it had to happen. Of course there is no call to say I haven’t succeeded – but then it was pretty much promised ‘before Christmas’ – Conclusion: I have missed out.

Miracle aside, like them leaving the selection to after the New Year, I am pretty much back to square one in the planning stakes. I have a few workless weeks to consider exactly what I’m going to do with my 2006.

Not-so-momentary despair caught me earlier on, and the fact that there is any hope at all in this posting was the result of the computer automatically rebooting itself while I was in the process of venting here the first time round, wiping all my good work. Between then and now I have had a soothing call to Xin, an episode of ‘24’ and a cup of camomile tea, and now am feeling more myself.

It has put a damper on my recent language-learning surge. I had absorbed so much Arabic in the last 7 days, but I will be cutting it loose, and going back to my old friends Japanese and Chinese. My foray into Arabic was a revelation in terms of sheer speed that I could acquire language – surely the ideal skill for that job, damnit. I could already make out names, grammatical structures and meanings from Al-Jazera articles. And when it wasn’t Arabic, it was one of the other two. All my leisure time had been engulfed by language and quite frankly I am exhausted.

Time for a rest. Oh yeah, it's Christmas.

Two long days...

The end of this year has been defined by a few days that have been busier than many of my previous years. After my interview postponement, Wednesday initially looked to be a busy day anyway. I would be planning classes, in the morning, helping my sister move out at noon and doing language exchange in the evening. This was made even better by the one thing that could make me jump out of my seat, namely, a call from Wellington asking me if I would like to be job interviewed on Thursday (i.e. today). Naturally I was willing but needing to cancel all my classes on today.

So after yesterday, quite naturally came today. This time I would not be denied by the weather. I started off the bat with a Chinese translation test. Pleasingly, it was two news item (something which I had been translating a lot as practice). I was struggling for time but finished with 30 seconds to spare, and no time to check.

Then came a security check and interview. The interview was quite disappointing for me in some ways, as they asked many questions that I had never considered and didn't necessarily give the answer with the emphasis I would have liked. But all in all, it was solid, but not enough to make me feel too confident about getting a result. The psych test was loopy. It started with a IQ test, with a few curve balls and then brain-numbing multichoice test. And then it was off back home. No matter how easy it was to summarise in retrospect, it was a rather exhausting process.

I also had a pleasant chat with my fellow candidates. Out of those there today, I was the only one not with a foreign language from Europe. That could be in my favour. I am pretty sure I am the only person out of those there today who could learn effectively a language outside those they are already familiar with. This is another plus for me.

On the whole, compared to the pre-interview excitement, my surety has been dampened, which is good whatever the result. Either way, if I get the result I wish, I will stop all further reference to the job here.

Whirlwind

I feel afluster. Things have happened quite fast lately, in a good way, and it nice to have a change of fortune.

The one thought that has crowded my mind is that of getting what seems like the job of my dreams: Being a linguist analyst. Last Wednesday I was flown down for a thirty minute interview. The interview itself just indicated I was one of the 30 (!) applicants that they were interviewing in the first round. The interview was mainly about language which was delightful as it is one topic I could talk endlessly about. One interesting aspect is that my core languages may not be the main skill, but rather the ability to acquire languages. THAT'S ME to a "T"!

They told me they'd get back to me on Friday, but were kind enough to call me on the Thursday, to tell me YES come for the second interview (now one of 10), which is this coming Tuesday. This will be much more involved, with a "psych test", a security briefing, a formal panel interview and an hour long translation test (from Chinese to English). Again I am being flown down. The whole thought kept me awake for most of last night continuing a dreadful run of sleepless nights.

Now, here I will demonstrate how loaded my expectations are. If I don't get the job, how disappointed will I be? And if I get the job, how can it possibly meet my expectations? But if I DO get this job, I may just be able to forgive all those damned principals for turning me down so many times. If I were teaching, I would never have noticed this job. In reality, I don't think there is much that could disappoint me in this job though. I have been yearning for a job that is a groove for me to adapt into and make my own, master it and progress to the top over a long time.

So now, till Tuesday, I will be loading my brain with Chinese and practising translation.

So this is the aftermath...

Ah, another test down and another brain-numbing experience.

The day started with me easing into action, getting to Unversity with plenty of time to spare. Regrettably, I suddenly realised that through a little bit of confusion I had neglected to bring the requisite pencil, eraser and pencil sharpener!! (I had put it in a pencil case but then thought it to big and 'thought' I had transferred them to a bag I was taking, but apparently not). So I hustled around trying to find a place that sold pencils. There weren't any. I came in and started going to people asking if they had an extra one. Fortunately, they had extra pencils at the test room.

Also fortunately, unlikely the Chinese Torture test earlier in the year, this one had rest breaks between the sections (the Chinese test was a non-stop 3.5 hour obstacle course of reading, listening and writing). In fact the whole test, as expected, was run like a far too oiled machine. The over-efficiency meant that everyone was ready waiting for each start times, occasionally in stark silence.

My performance, like the Chinese test, is most certainly going to undercut pre-test predictions. Only the first section was anything to write about (I may have got only one or two wrong out of 60+ questions). The listening was the most disappointing as I will not even get near to the heights of my practice test yesterday morning - my lack of ability to gain composure returned. The reading was rushed nearer the end, but I should still have quite a reasonable score.

Likely result: Vocabulary and Characters 96%, Listening 60%, Reading 75%.

But I'll have to wait till late February or early March for the results. That is where they have forgot to oil the Japanese marking machine...

Ecstatica

My last two weeks have been engulfed by nothing but Japanese study (and a few minor things like work, eating, sleeping, and sadly, seeing Xin off to the airport). This period of study has been surprising to me, and has been something I am now quite proud of. The best thing of all: I have almost completely slain my Listening Comprehension demons. They are lying there baring breathing.

To put it in comparison, when I did the Level 2 test in 1998, I got 20% in the Listening, defying even the average result from random guessing (it was multichoice!). When I had begun my course back in July/August, every listening test had me struggling to break even at 50% - and this even after having a 'break-through'. Some nights, admittedly when I was tired after a day of work, I would be getting maybe 30%. When that course ended though, my listening skills faded and in the early stages of my preparation I would be lucky to understand even the Level 3 or 4 tests.

Recently though, I have been slaughtering tests. I just did a practice test and in the section with pictures, I got an unprecedented 14/15 and in the second section (without pictures where you have to rely on listening for the question, the listening segment and the four choices) I got 14/16.

My biggest discovery is that my problem was mainly mental. I used to get flustered and none of the words went in. I probably gained composure through the Chinese study I did earlier as I also exposed myself to a lot of listening and eliminated that weakness. It is surprising listening to listening tests that I had done previously. They are so easy, yet months previously I was all at sea. I now am dousing my brain in Japanese news and current affairs.

With this, I now have immense confidence in my ability to pass tomorrow. In fact, I would even be sure that I would have made a valiant attempt at passing the highest level (I have done the advanced level practice tests).

Lingual pendula

After the hurlyburly of autoclashes and insurance, it is easy to forget that I have a Japanese test to attend to on the 4th of December. Until recently I was dreading it, knowing that since the completion of the Prep course earlier this year, my Japanese had somewhat sunk from prominence.

Suddenly though, I have re-captured my lingual happy thought, also encouraged by the possibility of my dream job and now are burning through a lot of listening material, reading everything in Nihongo, absorbing hundreds of words daily and revitalising my skills.

Tuesday had a good sign. I went to a Chinese vegetarian restaurant and accidentally said 'Arigatoo' to the serving Chinese waitress. She knew I spoke Chinese and she knew I knew she was Chinese and what's more knew that I knew Chinese - but she just walked off thinking I she had misheard me (I assume).

My language exchanges are paying dividends too. But I cannot help but get the feeling my listening skill in particular will not be up to the mark. I am quite able to learn huge quantities of information and do a lot of work in a short space of time, but improving a skill area in a short time is not easy. But I have a strategy in place that I will be following to its conclusion.

Fault lines

Strange times are sometimes the most educational. On my way to an interview on Wednesday morning, I got a call from the guy I collided into. Despite me thinking that all those worries were over, a new chapter began.

He had gone to pick up his car, but suddenly found that he had to pay the excess to get his car back. Apparently if the excess was not paid, the person who is getting repairs courtesy of the insurance company must pay the excess for their repairs. Needing his car immediately, he got the money together and paid it to get the car out.
Yes, I hadn't paid the excess, but I neither did I know that not paying the excess soon enough would cause the other person to be put out.

So he urged me to pay the excess so he could be refunded the money. So not knowing exactly where the nearest place to pay I called the insurance company. After some dilly-dallying, I was put through to another guy who was on his game. He said that despite my misleading indication causing the crash, it was not, according to the Road Code, my fault. I was on the main road and hence I still had the right to change my mind, and him being in a side road should have reacted with a bit more care.

In other words, AA will contest who is at fault with Fintel, in a duel to see who has to pay for the repairs. If it turns out that he is at fault then our repairs will be paid for (!).

Of course this doubles as an ethical problem: The other guy is now out of pocket for my fault (regardless of what the Road Code says) and had to borrow from his father just to get his car back. So I called him with the bad news that the insurance won't be forthcoming immediately, and also made a verbal agreement that I would forward him the money that he had to pay for the excess with the agreement that if the case comes to pass that it becomes his 'fault' then he would send the money back to me.

Xin raised the spectre of suspicion that he could deny the agreement and pocket the money. I do have some evidence, texts and my back account statement to prove that I have done that so if it hypothetically leads to a civil case, I have something. But he has been very understanding despite the circumstances and I believe a little trust is in order.

If it was the case that he was at 'fault', I don't really mind him keeping the excess as it was my fault anyway. But we'll see which way the cookie crumbles.

Nga piki me nga heke

This really was the week that was. It was the most action packed week of mixed fortunes that I have had for some time. It started off on a high, everything was going well and I had well resurrected my job seeking fortunes.

Monday came and a golden call arrived declaring that I was still on the road for my dream job - the linguist analyst position with an interview in early December. Monday was also a day of action in that I started my preparation for an AIESEC event - which I ambitiously asserted my participation upon, deciding to do my first whaikorero (speech at a powhiri, maori lesson, culture session and teaching of Maori songs and the stick game, ti rakau).

Tuesday ushered in frenetic preparation for my paid work and then productive language exchange.

Wednesday was the breaking point. I through together the last of my lesson preparation and then threw myself into a job interview for the National Library. At first this position sounded promising, but then I realised that it was more or less a grunt job. I will have to make a decision whether I will use it as an interim job, and one that will get me a lot fitter, or whether I retain the status quo - provided of course I am selected for the job. I am rather overqualified.
But it was still the breaking point - upon returning from the interview I drove along Manukau Rd in search of capsicums and coriander, instead I indicated one way, changed my mind and drove into a four-wheel drive. Zu, the brave vehicle he is, went for the low blow, slipping under the ribs of the bull-bars and leaving a deep impression on his stunned combatant. We certainly did get him better than he got us. Unfortunately with the 3rd party insurance and being obviously at fault, it was me who became a cropper. Repair bills are depressing and will wipe out a month or two of my savings. From that crash on, I have been a mess.

Thursday and Friday were normal, crazily busy work days with the spice of chess, language exchange and 24. And another primary school job interview arranged!

Saturday was taken up with the AIESEC event. I seemed to be a one-man show for a large part of the time I was there. I was a little disappointed by the amount of preparation that was done before it by the organisers - I think there were a lot of lessons learnt. The time had obviously caught them out. I was the only external 'facilitator'. I took care of the powhiri - my speech rocked and I surprised the hosts with the fact that I could speak more than basic maori. And I had prepared everyone with two maori songs. My session explaining the powhiri went well, so did the culture one, the stick game one and the Maori lesson. I learnt a few things too. I learnt the actions to the haka (again), the words to Ten Guitars and most importantly to me, had my public outing in Maori. I had missed many opportunities last year due to my hesitation and am satisfied that I nailed my opportunities here. A local kaumatua even quizzed me and was a little disturbed that I could name all the main tribes in different locations.

Sunday was the fitting come down with a nice slow day before brunch with my mum and sister for their respective birthdays.

I don't need any more weeks like this frankly. My japanese preparation has suffered and I had better hope for two weeks of rather effective study or else my goose will be cooked again at level two.

Surprise

I got a call last night saying I had a job interview in Wellington for the linguist analyst job. Wow! What's more, they will buy my plane ticket! Apparently it is a long application process for this particular job but I will give it a shot. It might be fun.

Progress and Change

My luck has turned a little for the better lately.

My injured foot has finally healed enough to walk distances without pain. This is a major mobility boost for me as I had been refraining from any walk longer than 5 minutes to give it the time to heal properly. Today I visited the spot where I believe I sprained it - and noted this time a "No Exit" sign next to the entrance to the driveway. I cannot know how I had missed it that night, but it was a sign that reflects so maybe it was not that visible. Also, I might have only glanced up, while watching my step. I have the goal of going on a big walk over the New Year or thereabouts to really test it. And then maybe getting into running within the first half of next year. I have also made moves to diversify my fitness. It is sad that my body is only really a walking machine with little upper body strength, agility or flexibility.

On the employment front, I have more or less decided to abandon my company project as a main source of work and re-started my job search. Lately, I have been losing my working hours due to the efficacy of my teaching: I was graduating off my students as they reached their goals! This is not a bad thing of course, as if they were not achieving their goals, it would be questionable if I were the man for the job. There is also no more students, beyond those I am teaching, that require teaching at F&P, the only growth area for me is... teaching Chinese! If I am still at F&P next year, I will teach another manager there from scratch.

The alternative side to all this is that I have several applications out there for new jobs - a librarian, a linguist analyst and... four for primary schools. I will have an interview for the librarian position this week. After the draining of finance in the last two years (two foreign trips, one year of study without work, and one marginal year of employment)

My personal life is blissful right now and I can only reflect how lucky I am - but the professional and financial side of my life must be the area to correct for me to feel any satisfaction with where I am going and that is my two month goal until the end of the year. Only when I achieve it can any real further goals be made.

The Eels

I went to only my second concert last night (it would have been my third if Massive Attack hadn't cancelled on me a few years ago). The Eels are not a well-known band but one that I became familiar with back at high school when a couple of their songs featured on Max TV regularly. I put the lead singer among Beck, Bjork, Tricky and David Bowie as someone who creates his own trademark music, inhabits it and succeeds on their faithfulness to themselves rather than compromising musically.

When I say The Eels, there is only one true member, with apparently 20 transient band members. The surly gent who is the morbid heart to the band, E, is the writer and frontman is a bit of a character.He also feels very free to be himself, not one to fuss over his appearance or mind bothering people by his incessant cigar smoking. The songs are generally musically simple but touchingly lyrical.

On the whole, the concert was wonderful except for the neverending wait at the start. I was frankly a little peeved, especially that I had failed to bring some refreshments in my bag. We waited long and then were greeted with a 10 minute russian cartoon, and then waited even longer, and got another informative short film introduction to The Eels, but still not the band... And then, maybe an hour after the start time, the curtain went up yet again but this time to reveal a band with strip instruments.

Then on came E, puffing his fragrant cigar (probably breaking the law of December 10 last year) and bursting into song. From that point on he scarcely missed a beat, passing song to song with out pause. His songs are usually no longer than three minutes, although sometimes daring to four.

For a sample of the music: http://myspace.com/eels
"Trouble with Dreams" is pretty cool. I remember it so clearly from the concert.

He bantered with the audience a fair bit. First telling of a few guys cheering while he was speaking. Telling jokes, apologising it taking him 10 years to come to New Zealand and promoting the room party of Chet, the multi-instrument musician (inviting girls only).

The songs were excellent. Having only one of his albums, I knew only four or five of the songs. But he picked my two favourites from that album "Dead of Winter" and "Climbing to the Moon".

The end was amusing. He introduced the last song, saying: 'This is the last song I am contracted to play. But you know after that, we have to play that whole cat and mouse thing. You know. So I just want to say that this is officially the last song.' So he belted out that song, bowed and left with the bad. Then the "cat and mouse" began. The applause, stamping and bottle tapping from the audience went louder and louder. A minute passed. And then the people at the front went even louder. And that's when they came back for another two songs. And then said goodbye again. And then the applause came back. They returned, did a few more songs, and left again. The audience again persisted with applause after they left. And then they came back for the very last song. And left the stage again. The audience cheered and clapped again, requesting they come back. The floor-crew started collecting the equipment. But still the sound went on. We started to leave, along with half the audience. And one of the floorcrew went to the microphone and said: "Sorry folks, the Eels have left the building. No they haven't, they're back!" And back they came, this time dressed in pyjamas and ripped into "I can never take the place of your man" (originally a Prince song). People came pouring back into the St James again. But that was the last.
Cat and Mouse.

Then we went to Kebabs on Queen which it seems that the Eels also got their dinner from because they sent a girl down at the same time we were there. But anyway, it was worth the wait.

Video Reviews - A Billy Bob Thornton double

50c videos and time at home can be a time consuming occupation. Fortunately, I restrict myself to one a week.

The Man Who Wasn't There

I watched this one last week, being that I had seen it in the shop and thought that I might like it, but strangely never got it out. This is perhaps one of the darkest comedies possible, either that or it isn't funny. Filmed in black and white, humour as black as can be, and an actor who makes depression seem like delight, you might be challenged to see any light at all. But Billy Bob Thornton is a cool actor, for whom I have gained a lot of respect. He is one of those solid actors who can be the complete character, and despite appearances has quite a range (as evinced by his Oscar-winning turn in A Simple Plan).

Here he is the lead role and narrator of the story, an unaspiring barber in a routine mundane life. He is suddenly impelled to actually do something different, to finally try to better himself... but a series of consequences consume four lives including his own (and also breaks the clavicle of Scarlet Johansson's character Bitsy).

Watching it was almost reminiscent of reading The Outsider by Camus, in the numbness that the lead leads. His murder of a friend, the trial leading to his own impending execution are all just humdrum excursions on his way through life.

It was a cool movie to enjoy, as long as you are unhurried.

Monster's Ball

This week I decided upon Monster's Ball, mainly because of seeing the other Billy Bob Thornton movie the previous week, but it turned out to be a good choice. I only knew that Halle Berry won an Oscar for her role, a deservingly so.

The movie is almost one long unmitigated personal disasters for all concerned. All of the disasters had large repercussions except for one, the very last one when suddenly it becomes obvious to Leticia (Berry) how fate has dealt to her yet again. But she takes it silently and in that way the film elegantly ends, Leticia swallowing the pain and learning to accept.

As long as you are prepared for the most depressing of melodramas, I highly recommend Monster's Ball simply because it is honest and unflinching and in a heartbeat, moving.

Until today, I have probably been through my most intense period of focussed work and study for a long time. I was hardly distractable. With completion of the Chinese proficiency test, my Dad’s birthday and one day of work at my old language school over the previous three days, I could finally rest today. I didn’t really plan on it, but my mind was determined and I got fixated on all sorts of strange things…

Actually I can pinpoint exactly when in happened. 5pm Monday afternoon, my bus passed another bus, which had been slapped on the left cheek, by a car door, while the bus was moving at quite a speed. Needless to say, all drivers concerned were rather flustered. And the car door was now double-jointed. But I suddenly felt a relaxing feeling spreading through my body.

Today I did do some work but only half as much as I had put into my schedule. The game of internet chess I had started last week had been going very badly. I had been rueing every move, move by sickening move. Today, my opponent pretty much handed me back the game and I have a reasonable chance of winning now.
I demolished a bar of chocolate I somehow bought. I caught some rays (not of the stinging kind), watched the Life of David Gale. I surfed old movie reviews of Lord of the Rings... Boy, do people hold them in high regard. And started ferreting through my drawers for lost treasure.

Hopefully tomorrow I can regain my work-ethic or else I am screwed for my lessons on Thurs/Fri!