One-and-three-quarter clients

Well, I am still stuck with the one loving, and ever growing, client. I may have even more hours of work there as of next week. I might actually make more than I am spending (gasp!).

On the marketing front, I have had a little good news today. Firstly, I met with the ACT Asian Chapter about possible support. But they are completely run by donation of course (politics alone generates nothing), so they need to pass it by their treasurer, so they asked me to lower my price (to levels I was asking F&P for originally till I bumped it up). But there are no promises till after the election.

And also a company called In Step Limited, which provides staff support and services, has put me on their books although there is no guarantee of work till they have a client who needs my services. It is a start though and it is nice to finally get something from the phone calls I have been making.

The Liberation and Domestication of Push

Suburban Auckland is often the battleground of a feline turf-war. Territories are staked out and defended, patrolled leading to inevitable skirmishes and clashes. In such hurly-burly, sometimes there are losers and one of those losers, on a grand scale was Push the pussycat.

Push's weak psychological make-up is a map to the past, and it would not appear to be a happy one. When Push came to us, she was a sickly sight, her whole arm having got passed through her flea-collar, the fur under her legpit and skin had been mostly removed. She reacted with anxious hissing and hasty flight with anyone's advance. She was bony, probably diseased and a mess.

Her outright defensiveness and her miserable state might indicate irresponsible ownership, but to a house of two excessively caring suburbanites, Push was the ripe target for concern. Milk was put out and then tasty snacks. No gratitude was received for this, and no approach was possible due to pussycat paranoia and evasive action.

Then yesterday, coaxing with food on several occasions finally gave me the opportunity to get in contact with Push. The final session included about 10 minutes of tempting and slowly approaching. I ignored the hisses and eventually Push made the move to eat. I patted her for the first time and heard the most unlikely sound - a meow. I then slid a pair of secateurs under the collar and snipped it. Push whose face was immersed in the food hardly noticed, the collar however didn't fall off. It seemed stuck. I left Push but when I returned, all that remained was the collar with fur and maybe a little flesh lying there.

Push is still very defensive but we had a nice chat tonight and Mum even got a pat (that is, she patted Push). We are still waiting the SPCA to come around and take Push away, regrettably we don't need a cat. I am sure Push will either get the medicine she needs or at worst euthanaised. Er....

Brutal

I forgot how brutal cold calling really was. Pinpricks of hope on an otherwise bruisingly unsuccessful time.
But there is hope nonetheless.
But I can't really consider myself succeeding till the number of my client companies surpasses the one very good-natured company I work with now...

The complete review of tea

Pu-Erh 4 / 6
- An aged Chinese tea from the province of Yunnan.

"Deep, Earthy, subtle aftertaste, light aroma, full-bodied, ancient, placed me in an old chinese village."
"Smokey, earthy, very warming"

Rangitoto Blend 4.1 / 6
-A blend of assam and ceylon teas with vanilla.

"Very creamy"
"Easy to drink but it had a charcoal aftertaste. Soothes the throat"
"Very palatable, with a hint of spice, perhaps a tad too bitter."

Oolong Earl Grey 3.6 / 6
-A cross between green and black teas with a flavouring of bergamot oil.

"Initial smokiness, further consumption brings othe the citrus smell - primitive comination of flavours"
"Bitter, reminded me of green tea but was quite drinkable, I liked it."
"Wheaty smell. The taste failed to excite but I would still drink it on the couch watching DVDs"

English Afternoon 2.7 / 6
- A traditional blend of ceylon tea.

"Tastes like rangitoto blend, maybe the English are sleepy in the afternoon so they mistakenly think it's a different tea."
"Insipid. Only for languid afternoons."
"Perfect for someone who wants to drink tea in a hurry."

Grannies' Garden 3.1 / 6
- A fruit tea with a mix of berries.

"Simple and fruity without being overpowering"
"Very sweet, but not too sweet, nice and flavoursome"
"Strawberry!! Nice!!! Love it!"
"This is not a tea"

Sencha Spice 3.2 / 6
- Green tea with indian spices.

"Wasabi"
"Very strong, pungent flavour"
"Makes me feel drunk. Strange texture."
"Reminds me of autumn in the Netherlands; a hint of pepernoten. The smell is more aggressive than the tast - doesn't overwhelm the palate."


Genmaicha 4.8 / 6
- a Japanese green sencha tea with popped rice (available in all loose leaf tea shops).

"Ricy and Zenlike"
"Pure and subtle"
"Tastes... er.... GOOD!!!"
"Hits the spot quite nicely"

Lapsong Souchong 4.5 / 6
- a smoked traditional black tea.

"Richly smoky. Textured like a gypsy's dress"
"Stays with you a longtime after drinking"
"Like lying in front of a wood fire on a sheepskin"
"Kind of moorish"

Bengal Chai 4.5 / 6
- a chai tea made with blacktea, cardamon, pepper and cinnamon.
(Purchased at Tea Total inMilford, $7.90/100 grams)

"Very nice"
"Perfect for drinking at a small town cafe on the way homefrom a roadtrip, A feel-good tea"
"Lovely"

Rooibos Earl Grey 3.4 / 6
-South African rooibos with the flavouring of rooibos.

"Smells likes Jif washing liquid"
"The bergamot flavour destroyed the subtlety."
"Earthy but with a masculine taste of bergamot"
"I could drink a bucket of this."

Things that make you go....

Yesterday was a terrible day that got better and better. Today was a good day that had one period of complete confusion. There is only one hour of time that is really that interesting though:

After I finished my Fisher and Paykel teaching, I contacted my Dad to meet him and Adam, the newest member to my family tree. Anyhow, he is a cute little one, a little bit early apparently and certainly a bit dozy (he was on song last night). At first sight, he looks more like Dad than Armin but things can change, and I am yet to see him with his eyes open.

After chatting a bit, I felt a little hot, so I removed my vest, and then the world was a little shaky, and my strength faded. I made myself a place on the bed but then the world was disappearing. I felt like I was about to faint (I have had experience at fainting). Dad guided me out the door and got me to sit down outside. Ringing came to my ears and and the rest of the world became muffled and maybe for a brief period I was in a black void. Then I came back, and I could talk to my Dad again, the tinny sound, quieter now persisted for a few minutes more. It almost sounded like it came from around me so I had to check that it was only me hearing it. It was tinnitus - a condition my Dad has in a more severe form - Meniere's disease. I had better see the doctor to know exactly what this will mean to me.

After I got up and about again and said my farewells, I left to investigate Tea Lovers, which is owned by the same people as Darjeelingz. This could have been guessed due to the colours of the walls. A pretty shop and I indulged in an Irish Breakfast. Not too bad, and as it is in the proximity of Fisher and Paykel, I may fill up my card reasonably quickly! I also bought the leaves of the nastiest tea I have tried in recent times - Lapsang Souchong - which is starting to grow on me. Drinking it now, I am~

Oh, and one other good thing, I bought $30 of fuel this morning at $1.39/L and in the afternoon it was $1.43/L. I should have filled it up to the top maybe but $30 will take me a fair bit of time to go through.

New member to the family

I now the half-brother I never had! Adam Joseph Goudie was born today.

Well-worn paths

Sometimes skills and experiences from the past come to fore suddenly and you are thankful for experiences you have gone through. It was strangely coincidental that I did a speech at an AIESEC recruitment session at AUT just over a week ago saying what I had learnt through my AIESEC experience. Back in the day of my own recruitment, I remember forcing myself to call companies in my first year of AIESEC, then in subsequent years guiding the next generation to do the same and gaining the confidence to do so, and to be a model of how to do so.

Today I cold-called ASB and Telecom to offer my ESOL services and all of it was utilising the phone system navigation and marketing skills I had gained. Of course, someone without the experience could have done it but perhaps committing a few mistakes that maybe I can avoid this time round. It still remains to be seen whether it produces any outcomes but that is an aspect of cold-calling too. Understanding that effort in the short term does not always correlate directly with results in the short term, but has to be viewed in a long-term framework.

Naturally, this day turned out to be perhaps 300% more productive than Monday, not that it was a difficult task, I cannot say I achieved all that I could have today. I have given myself a rest from my Japanese drills and focussed on the business set-up, tutoring preparation and tea party preparation. I also gave myself a walk/run to get myself moving. Writing plans and a list of things to do have not been effective in getting me moving. As always it comes down to the mental push to go and just do things. Cattle-prods should not be necessary, but it is hard to psychologically rearrange oneself from a employee mentality (in which I tend to thrive). Probably the biggest motivator is to think financially. If I don't get my business going at fair rate, I will be earning only a minimum amount. I think I need to have a more materialistic, greedy mantra. "Making money is good", up till now it has been "Making tea is good!" (I have drunk soooo much).

The only hitch is that I am yet to complete the cryptic (something I have been doing almost at will, and usually quickly).

Tomorrow will be my second to last Japanese class, and I will be submitting a timed test paper. That means I will be getting a true measurement of my progress in relation to passing the second level test that I have put all the effort into achieving in December. If I am I will exert the next two months to preparing for the Chinese test (HSK) which happens in October. I think I can already get a pretty good score, but pushing the boundaries is a good idea. After that test I can properly brush my Japanese back up and assail the December test.

Meanderings

I haven't come off work well and I have struggled to step back into a productive rhythm. And what is worse, the price of organic chickpeas has skyrocketed (3 times what it was). But all is not bad, I have increased my F&P work by 1 1/2 hours a week which is nice. Also my disturbing dreams have ceased (well my memorable dreams). I am making my own social event and already mentally planning my birthday party.

I also tried to go completely crazy, trying to increase consumer spending over Xin's birthday weekend, which also coincided with The Food Show. Food Shows tend to make me go funny. I love to be surrounded by such interesting food and new products. Despite the exorbitant entry price ($18), you get a whole meal of samples and drinks, get vouchers to reduce the price of things you buy and get discounted things. Of course with me, I buy pricy unimportant things. I love buying (edible) oils. I got hempseed oil this time and came close to getting a wonderfully expensive bottle of olive oil, but I couldn't find the stall... The tea side of thing was good and bad. The Twinnings stall was very disappointing but Chai and Kerikeri Tea did well and one benefitted for my extravagance.

Timeshift

With the sudden change in my working lifestyle, I am still out of kilter. I am not as good at working without structure so I need to be more regimented.

Since leaving my regular teaching, I have been beset by poor sleep (infected by Japanese study, words and sentences floating in and out of my mind for what seems like hours in bed) and then strange nightmarish dreams of suicide (using explosives or jumping off buildings). Such dreams are very out of the ordinary for me but it is probably not unexpected when you have a change in life.

But on the study side of things, it couldn't be better. I have two remaining classes and last night scored my highest listening test result. Either I was guessing better or just had a fresher mind to capture important facts or perhaps I have bombarded my brain with Japanese radio news and listening tapes since I began having more time ;-)

I found my listening skills was held back on two points, vocabulary and general listening speed. So often, even if I squint my ears (if that is possible) to not have a clue about the answer, only to find that the key words were all ones far yonder even my vaguely known vocabulary.

A Brand New Phase

Work at ALC has ended. All school based ESOL is off. For the short-term I am not going to apply for primary jobs to work at my new "In-company ESOL" project. My hourly wage is handsome and the hours a week I work is growing, and even a new tutoring lead courtesy of Winston has arisen.

So I now have an interesting new professional phase and also time to focus on my languages! How delightful!

Movie Reviews

The two movies I will review today are interestingly poles apart.

First of all, Banana in a Nutshell, the New Zealand made personal documentary of a 'Banana' (an ethnic Chinese person who has lived abroad for much of or all of their lives) and her quest to get her parent's blessing for her desired marriage with a white Kiwi. It was a colourful voyage through the life of another person, with very little held back. It bears the truth that truth sometimes makes the best stories, rather than fiction, a fact that may be spurring the popularity of documentaries. The recorded events are richer than actors could instill and its pertinance never stronger.

The banana in question is an aspiring filmmaker, which allows her to explore her craft at the same time. The composition of the 55-minute film was entertaining and nice devices used to lighten it at times. Being a world premiere, the filmmaker was there to answer questions, along with her long suffering fiance. Some of these really broadened the meaning of the movie, and addressed far more than the film directly alluded to, which was great.

Second of all, A Wayward Cloud, a Cai Mingliang movie, with many of the hallmarks and actors again in for the voyage. This time we follow the reunion of two characters from a previous movie (What time is it there? which you don't need to have seen to appreciate). The camera contemplates every scene, with long takes on every action and minimal dialogue. For the unacquainted, this is disconcerting, "Make something happen, damn it!" In fact, it may be the case that the two, who fall in love this time (or at least more visably), may say just one line in the whole film. This is all stylistic to the director, who won an award for this movie. The movie also was punctuated by song and dance numbers to either alleviate (or accentuate) the silence.

Overall, I saw it as a love story, of the coming together of two very unique people. One had to slowly overcome his uncertainty of the physicality of love, caused by his job as a porn star. The other had to overcome her shyness with love and her introversion. The culmination of the movie is the most surreal love scenes you'll ever see, as finally his secret profession is suddenly known and she reaches out to accept him for it.

It is a highly sexual film too although as it is porn, it is shown as hollow and impersonal. The lead actor in fact spends at least half of his film time nude and most of that simulating or having sex. The movie contains many extraordinary scenes. The opening watermelon love scene, the big dick song and dance, the woman giving birth to the watermelon, it all made sense in this mesmerising film.

The two films are polar opposites in that A Wayward Cloud is acting to create neither reality nor phony movie reality. It manages to create two parallel universes, the normal Taiwan with monotonous Taiwan construction, pornography and silly TV news and another surreal world that exists between the two leads. A Banana in a Nutshell on the other hand sought to grab reality and use the movie format to portray it.

Overall, both were immensely satisfying and recommendable.

Movie Reviews

Three... Extreme

Well, the title says it all. There are three shortish movies, illustrating three macarbe stories. And extreme they were.

Dumplings, the first movie, was the most elegant gross-out movie you can have. Simply put, there is a woman who makes special dumplings which when women eat them can assist in their rejuvenation and anti-ageing. The first scenes showing us a waning star painfully eats them one by one, their maker casually reminding her: "Don't think about what they were, but the effect they will have!"
Strangely, the content was rather close to some background internet browsing I did to help debunk a hoax spam a wee while back. The movie's cinematography was quite very smooth, and I wasn't surprised that it was Christopher Doyle. Isn't it odd that one can predict a cinematographer?

Cut, directed by Park Chanwook (of Old Boy and JSA) is a nasty piece of work, but oddly reminiscent of Old Boy. The film ironically is about a successful director who creates a scene in his movie exactly like his home, and then who is kidnapped to his set in the middle of the night and tormented by a rather psychotic "extra". The motive: All rich successful people are essentially bad people who trod on others, which makes the extra feel fine because he is neither rich nor successful, so could feel that those rich people were nothing. But the director, he is rich, successful AND a good man. Now that ain't fair!

Some elements of the film were so similar to Old Boy but it was still interesting. The ending though, I am yet to fathom.

Box, directed by the notorious Takashi Miike, was a disappointment. The plot was hard to describe, but was ever spiralling back on itself. This was good, it kept creating itself anew till the end... failed. Or so I thought.
Probably the same person who memorably pleaded "What happened?" at the end of Mulholland Drive, also yelped: "What?!" upon the second to last frame. And yes, something else could have happened... Ah, I can't be bothered in explaining it.

On the whole, it was the bad, the wicked and the disgusting (in reverse order) and worth the watch.

Daniel Incorporated

There is a distinct possibly I will transform myself into an entrepreneur, should primary schools continue to rebuff my overtures. A niche has been spotted for a person like myself. The idea, though not coming purely from me, could well be grabbed by me.

Market research required and other investigations.

The funeral hearth grows dim

Any organisation changes form over time. The school known as Intrax was no exception. It was the current manifestation of an unbroken continuation. Just like a growing body, it shed cells and hair, but the essence remained, while the external appearance changed into new forms. The school apparently started as 'ASL' in the mid-90s, the original owners and principal that started it have been gone for a while now. Its name change, ownership change have all happened, but it was always the same old school. Four teachers were there during the final four years, some leaving but always returning. We could have taken ourselves to be the spirit of the place.

Now three of us, ripped from that dying body, we were transplanted into another school. Alien entities don't necessarily stay long before the systematic immune system weeds them out. And that includes me. Friday will be the last day of my three week tenure at ALC. I leave it without a working home to go to.

Psychologically, it may be a good thing. Even at teacher's college, there was that subconscious thought, 'I can always go back to my home at the language school'. And even now, who could resist that appeal of the comfortable workplace. Now, I am compelled to fend for myself.

But as the smoke disperses, I can't help but think if the friendships at the old school will stand the distance of non-work. That is only something each of us can strive for, and that is where I will leave this meandering obituary.

Lost

Sometimes things happen too fast. This is one of those times. Going on a busy trip, adjusting to the new rules at my new place of week, my body adjusting to early mornings and full-time work and then neglecting my Japanese study for two weeks and then going to class to be overwhelmed has all added up to a washed-out Daniel.

What's worse it seems I have begun a losing spree reminiscent of times gone by. I am ashamed even to name the things that I have misplaced and/or lost in the last little while. It has been costly too. And also soaking...

One small bright side is that my financial situation has received three injections; one calling in a long-time debt from my old chess club and another being working full-time $28/hr at the new work and already getting my first pay cheque. I will also get another shot in the arm when I get my final payment from my old school, including outstanding holiday pay. But if the new school only keeps me for two weeks, then this might be the boom before the bust.

The school's closure has left me a little bereft too. Many of the students have taken it hard. Some have already left, not wishing to move onto the other school. In fact, one poor sole had been to the other school before and in desparation had left for a better school... I bumped into some accidentally on Monday, went back to school on the Tuesday, and went to a farewell on Tuesday night. One unusual encounter occurred on the way home when I heard my name called out while I crossed the road. One of the students that I taught long ago, in her first week, ran over to my side of the road. Strangely (or not), she spoke purely in Japanese, while I used English. Strangely (or not) I could understand every word. And for a moment we shared yet another moment of shared sadness on the side of Albert Street on a rather wet night.

There is a formal school farewell party tomorrow, where apparently the jilted American marketing director will be extravagant with the food at the companies expense. Great!

The Resurrection

Well, after Black Friday, the weather cleared to reveal a brand-new day. I had slept over at AJ's with the tramping group. My cellphone alarm rang, Amy was nearest:
"Amy! Turn off the alarm please" Nothing.
"Amy!"
So anyway, I got up and turned off my alarm and started getting myself ready while annoying others to the extent that they would rise from their warm beds. The time that we used to prepare for our departure for the mountains was ponderous and dragged on, but eventually we hit the road for Ruapehu.

The weather held well as we arrived at the waistline of the mountain, and after finding the trailhead, we grooved to eighties music while munching on our lunch. For all of us, the feel of treading on fresh snow was a unique experience. We saw strange ice phenomena, like water bubbling under sheet ice ("Are they small fish?"), murderous icicles, snow on dirt-dry dirt (theories abound), frozen ripples on frozen puddles and ice crystals aplenty. Through all this we were permanently backed by the imposing sight of Ruapehu, while Tongariro, Ngauruhoe and even Taranaki watched from a distance. Xin played detective with animal tracks, AJ played hitman with snowballs. My big task of the day was the re-animation of a weta. AJ happened across it quite accidentally. It had been half-submerged in ice and looked lifeless. But from my biological studies, I declared it could be revived. Some doubted it but my pleas for an effort, for the sake of science, was met with action. The ice was broken, sawn and soon we had a block of ice with a weta in the middle.

Our group trod forward until we arrived at the hut. We set up, and started a fire. I set up the weta for defrost, first in the sun, and then with the slowly warming pot-bellied stove. While this happened we got digging into the food and drink: And discovered AJ is a sucker for punishment having carried a 3L bottle of apple juice all the way there. In an act of altruism, Edwin and I relieved him of his burden. Likewise, I relieved Edwin of the burden of his mini-twix bars.

Night closed in, and with it the cold and a group of DOC workers who were staying a night at the attached room. Our fire stopped it appearing cold and heated water. The food was simple but as with all tramping food, it was good. Stargazing was the event for the night. Never before will you see the stars so clearly, a clear sky, at altitude (as there is less atmosphere). But the coldness meant that it could only be enjoyed briefly. With only candlelight, the time felt late (even at the modest 7pm) and sleep beckoned most of us. And in our nice warm room we all passed into sleep (some faster than others).

At what might have been 5am I awoke to find, for the first time in my camping life, that I was cold in my sleeping bag. Amazing! I was wearing just polyprop but I should have been warm! So after a loo-break, I put on my full tramping gear (less boots) and found a nice warm thought. My feet never recovered though. No-one's feet felt any warmer than freezing and the prospect of putting on wet boots was not a happy thought. I got out to discover the liberated weta had moved 90 degrees and stood on the sponge I had placed the ice on, contemplating. I was right! Breakfast porridge tasted wonderful but nor did that warm my frigid feet.

We threw together our things, packed and prepared for our homeward bound journey. One of the DOC workers came in to fill a pot of water and casually mentioned that we would have a few river crossings, "well... one." After depositing the resurrected weta, we departed and indeed did come to a stream. AJ demonstrated a wonderful slip-pirouette on the ice with his crossing. A more reliable crossing was found upstream. But was that the river? No! The next stream had to be crossed. This time AJ found a good method, but that just meant him and Xin were the only ones spared a boot-full of cold water. And after that we finally arrived at the river! After a lot of effort to find methods, we got across.

Then it was the plow onward to the cars and that was our Ruapehu odyssey.

One peculiar coincidence was that I met three of my students on the road up Ruapehu on the way there. I knew they were going to be in Taupo but to have them pull up next to you is uncanny.

Black Friday (to be followed by the Resurrection)

Like all black days, there are usually precursors which give an indication of what to come. In this case, it was last Wednesday when, while I was at my desk preparing class, I heard from quite a distance and through the closed door of the Managing Director's office a loud expletive. At first I thought he had injured himself but he turned up later, very much in one piece.

Then, Friday morning I was reminded that there was to be a staff meeting today, to which I replied, I had to leave early to get ready for my weekend trip. Stay at least for the start, they said. And they remained as cryptic as possible. So at 3:15pm we all sat down for the meeting, to hear: "I'm sorry but Intrax will be closed down by Friday next week." Yes, the American owners had reconsidered their investment and decided to up and leave. To cut a long story short, another school has already offered to take our students from next week, and also wanted to snaffle a few teachers in the short term. So now I am working there, full-time, well, for the time being.

The school's impending closure left all in an odd state of mind. As a co-worker told me today, when he told other people, even his wife, they didn't seem to understand. It felt like grief. Many of us had been with the school in its many manifestations since 2001. For me, driving a motor vehicle was probably not the best thing to do as I kept having realisations all the way to Taupo: the EIA course is now worthless, ah, but I don't have to fill in all the holes! I don't have to deal with surly Pablo, but what will happen to all those nice students. Will we keep in touch?

Now us teachers are already in a new school while the news was broken to the students. Should we be there? It seemed cowardly not to be. But we had jobs. The news was not received well.

After 5pm I went to Foodtown where as it happens I bumped into three previous students of mine. They were all sad and resigned to the fact. One of them was not going to be affected, as it was her last week, but the other two had three more weeks remaining. But they didn't seem to want to go to the next school. There was attachment to the old one.

Anyway, life goes on. And in this case, just two days later (rather than the usual three) there was a Resurrection, which I will describe along with details of our wicked trip to Ruapehu in my next blog.

Bracing

If you say a word enough, you can abstract it from its meaning, to being just a sound, bestowing it with a solely onomatopoeic meaning. Say it with joy, and it becomes the joy.

Learning a language is weird just because you stuff your brain with sounds which have no connection with your mind, but which have a link into the very foundations of another cultures lingual landscape. But just looking at the word it is merely a sound. You can say the most tragic things, again and again, concentrating on the pronunciation, executing the grammar of a cruel put down with perfection. And all for the purposes of learning a language.

I never have understood suicide, so perhaps it must be one of the perspective things. I know some people will never understand stuff that I think either. Watching a play that toyed with suicide, I sometimes felt like it was speaking another language. Ritualistic existentialistic self-sacrifice.

Hotel Rwanda

On Friday, I went to see this movie, slightly due to the fact that the movie I wanted to see (Down Fall) was not available, and I had originally planned to see it at a previous film festival but neglected to see any from that selection.

But this movie is powerful. The fact that it is a fact that this happened is probably the strongest element in its power. It enacts the crucial days before and after the Rwandan genocide where almost a million people died in bloody ethnic cleansing.

The acting was great, especially the lead, Don Cheadle, an American actor who was convincing as Paul Rusesabagina. He was the savior to a great many of those who would have been otherwise killed. An Oscar Schindler or John Rabe for the modern time.

For me it clarified the cause of the conflict, and what people mean when it is said, "The UN failed in Rwanda". So on an awareness basis, it was an important film to see. It also is a lesson in global responsibility, and in reflection, with the Darfur crisis just past us, was that a repeat? On the whole, this is a good movie and well worth the effort to see.

One interesting aside was that the small LibertariaNZ political party had this ad before the movie. It was actually very interesting to juxtapose it next to the movie.

Linguality~

Temporarily, my interest in the Chinese language has overcome me (which is good, because Japanese has successfully hogged my attention for so long). I have decided to read a whole Chinese book as quickly as I can. One particular book at the library caught my eye, Rang wo shou yi ju - liu xue Riben (Translation: Please let me say something - Studying abroad in Japan). It caught my eye because it is written by a culturally frustrated Mainland Chinese person in Japan. He is sometimes hateful, sometimes amazingly humble and other times quite confused by Japanese. Strangely, some of his criticism of Japanese drivers was akin to something another friend (from Hong Kong) says about Mainland Chinese drivers. Anyway, I have shot through to page 54 - an achievement for me who struggles to get to that page in English...

Strantely conciding with this burst, perhaps the first Chinese student in a long time, came stumbling into the school, and with many VISA and passport issues, so complicated the issues that she begged for a Chinese speaker... and I was the best they had (well, I am the ONLY person vaguely fitting the bill). So suddenly my skills were in use. Great! Great to hear Chinese English too.

But now, I have class tonight, and strangely I am coping even better with listening than I imagined. I hope it continues in class.

P.S. A nifty little Korean girl defeated the school champ at ping-pong. This I had to see, and instead played her first-hand. Fortunately for my pride, she doesn't cope well with people who love to spin the ping-pong ball, or can serve fast. So in other words, she was minced-meat against me. Purely a matter of style rather than skill though.

Swamped

... and not in the usual way. Again I had my Japanese class on the Wednesday and we had our first listening practice test. Oh dear. I have so much work to do to shore up my ability in this area. Almost every question drowned out all comprehension with rapid incomprehensible streams of Japanese. I got a dismal 7 / 16 for the easier part of the test - partially due to test strategy and probability. I will put in twice the effort before the next class because even her instructions were losing me. One bright light was the fact I more or less aced the reading (an area which I didn't do well on in the previous year). And easily dealt with the vocabulary section. So, in a way, I am lucky. I only have one area to really push myself to develop.

One good thing is that I found that my pay was being paid further in arrears than I first thought, so the last cheque included some of my previous full-time work, i.e. a good sum of money. So perhaps I shouldn't be so frugal. Even so, I am planning to restrict myself to one bus-ride a day, and take my dinner whenever I plan to not be home for dinner. I am also making my way through my extensive stocks of grains and legumes to save money. It is actually a good idea, as I usually by stuff and hardly use them till their expiry date, so at least there is a bit of clearing out going on.

I also woke to the news that I could have been relieving a Primary class today. My mum received the call early in the morning while I was still fast asleep. I was already required for work today at the language school but I could have called unavailable. I do have a degree of trepidation about going back to a primary classroom right now, just because I have been out of there for 8 months. I should really get my head together about how I would go about gaining order in such a class, and make the arrangements so I can seize the chance should it happen again.

Anywho, back to work.

Mild relief

Well, I have had one full day of work today (i.e. effectively $60 of income) which was a pleasant surprise. Although it came at the expense of a co-worker who had fallen ill. He has recovered now, or is well enough to work tomorrow so I have time to prepare for my course tomorrow as well as do job applications.

I had a slight motivational "bust" over the weekend, where I did pretty much little of any substantial study or preparation for the week, but have refocussed myself now.

Packing for Wednesday

My long weekend has been full of learning, pleasurable learning. I have filled my brain with so much it is almost set to explode. But this is all in the name of good timing. My Japanese proficiency course starts on Wednesday and I need to be hitting well above my weight from the start (as I will be at a comparative disadvantage from all the other students who will have had received recent Japanese teaching or been to Japan).

So comes the art of packing one's brain. As with going abroad to study, it pays to really do intensive learning prior to starting to ensure as many of the hurdles one is going to encounter are minimised and the time spent in class (or abroad) is really worth every penny. Since this course will cost me a bundle, in these low-income days, I want value for money, and I want my efforts and this course to lead to a good level of Japanese and a pass in the second level of the test.

As with my current burst of Chinese study, my Japanese study is going far beyond what I could do previously and oddly it has been easy to do so. Probably one of the better results of this weekend is that I know I can pass the third level of the test already. I have already passed it in 1997 and was initially planning to take it again this year just to shore up my Japanese ability. But if I know I can already pass it, doing it again is rather a waste of time. I did the past test (from 1996) and passed in all sections, even the listening test which is the weakest link in my lingual suit of chainmail. Kanji and Vocabulary was 92%, Listening 77% and Reading and Grammar was 74%. The pass mark is 60% overall.

However, I rediscovered my test results from 1998 to see how badly I did. That was my first and only previous attempt at level two. 19% in listening is a hard thing to accept. It is multichoice with four choices for each answer, so my listening at level two was no better than random guessing. And another aspect I missed, was that even Reading and Grammar, back then, was 57.5% which as a section, does not help me to pass.

Anyway, I still expect a rough time on Wednesday. But have a small goal to use polite language with the teacher if I can. Something, my high school Japanese has not provided me with.

Another Hit

Language junkie, Daniel, has another shot of language amphetamines, this time it was K. Again it came flooding back but was not the tsunami of yesterday. A year of university Korean is not much to really overcome one, so my high was not the high tide that Japanese gave. But the usual people in the class seemed quite dismayed that some foreigner (I was the only "kiwi" there) could stumble in and seem to speak the language better than them.

And I played the villain. Every language teacher hates those horrible Europeans, always so eager to fill the silence when the teacher asks a question. And for a brief time, I was that person. Well, the teacher in question was hardly teaching anyway. More like lurching from topic to topic, and then putting unprepared, untaught students on the spot to answer questions with the whole class listening, without any preparation at all. i.e. setting them up for failure.

So my style was to take the heat off the first perplexed receiver of the obscure question, and then not answer any more (unless I was uncontrollably seized by the moment to blurt out an answer). Overall, I recalled a lot and learnt a little on the way. Even though it was a conversation class, there was little conversation. But some nice people there. I got to practice my Japanese and Chinese while there, which was a pleasant chance seized (love that word) with gusto.

Back to the Future

Ah, the wonders of the brain. Today represents the time when I recovered about 50% of my previous Japanese learning in a day.

Things are happening quite fast. My assault on the three main East Asian languages continues on all fronts unabated. So much so, it is hard to detail everything. Last night I went to a Korean class, but it was just beginners so I observed for free. Strangely, I bumped into a former student there. Inspired, I went to the library to study more Korean. Then I went home and listened to a Chinese listening. At this point, my Japanese was a minimal as ever. But things were about to change. The first sign of things to come was arranging my first language exchange, which was Japanese for Thursday morning.

This morning, I was listening to the Chinese radio, my mind now breathing Chinese while being immersed in English. Then I visited a Korean lecturer and found another conversational opportunity. But while I was exploring the floors of the Auckland Uni Asian Languages building (a building I am very familiar with), I saw a small ad. It said there was a course starting tonight for level 2 of the Japanese Proficiency Test. Originally I was only planning to do level 3 (level 1 being the hardest), because I had passed it before (in 1997) and had failed level 2, in 1998. But, suddenly in the grip of language fever, I decided to give the level 2 course my best shot (I still have plenty of time to decide what I am going to do at the actual test). I e-mailed them, and was told I had to sit a test tonight.

Oh, suddenly my mind switched into recovery mode as I swatted old textbooks, reading it brought back many words. Then I went to the test, and the Japanese people there blurted things that I just couldn't catch. Then I listened again. Suddenly it was like changing the channel. I could catch things. I looked at some words. I couldn't understand them at all. Then I stared at it. And the pronunciation came out of the deepest darkest corners of my mind.

The actual result of the test wasn't great but it was enough to give me confidence. And then the testers chatted with me and suddenly I was speaking it. Although I sometimes accidentally switched to Chinese (zenme shuo... oops... dou iu...), overall I suddenly found the meanings I wished to say were forming naturally in my mind. Then I went into the usual conversation groups and suddenly things were easy. I caught the meanings and I produced my own sentences with much ease.

This all being said, the mountain of knowledge contained in a single language, and even the language required for level 2 Japanese is unbelieveably huge. It is scary to think about it. But I will be preparing myself for the first lesson next Wednesday. I will be exploring newly accessed grounds of my inner mind in language exchange tomorrow and will intensify my language acquisition on the Japanese front.

I have also secured a Korean exchange partner, which will be prepared for before next Monday. On the whole, I think I have naturally and rationally adjusted to my semi-unemployment. I am getting around three quality language courses courtesy of myself, mostly for free. Well the Japanese course will cost a lot, but it is over seven years since I received any instruction in Japanese, it would be nice to have a teacher to take up some of the burden.

So in effect I have changed into a part-time student, but with the flexibility that my time exactly coincides with the time I have free. Excellente! (I am still applying for jobs too, so don't think this is just some elaborate Danielesque procrastination technique, although starting Spanish probably was one such thing)

Owari!

Ping!

One good event to keep my mind off my er... light workload is the Intrax Ping Pong championships. A great idea that has occurred only once previously. It will be in the afternoons for the next three afternoons, with single prelims tomorrow, doubles prelims the next day and the championship finals on the Thursday. It should be very interesting. I have a couple of intense rivalries with players so it will be interesting to see how it pans out. I have a reasonable chance of winning either of the competitions.

I have gained a couple of new tricks since my return. One of them is being able to reflect smash shots, which is something I could never do (although I have vivid memories of a former Chinese student doing it to perfection years ago). Doing so, in itself can be a winning shot because when you smash you expect to win the point immediately (or hit the net immediately and lose a point) and it is psychologically strange to have to play it again, and sometimes difficult because it comes back only marginally slower than it is hit, and when it comes from me, it comes bearing a little spin too. There is one kind fellow, who has me as a bogeyman. He is a good smasher, can smash anything really, but tends to smash very straight (not to the corners). A usual point with him will be him swinging successive smashes at me, with me flicking them back each time till his frustrations get the better of him and he hits it into the net. The most important thing is to stay close to the table (unless it is an overhead smash).

The Japanese student who, with me, restarted the ping-pong fad originally struggled to reclaim his prowess (being the only person who has actual ping-pong competition experience), but now is coming into form. He underspins it better than me, although just recently I have discovered a few ways to repel his serves. But he can be unplayable, with some of his arsenal. One other factor that opens the door is that the other teacher who plays ping-pong has been tied up in the new course he is running and it is nice to play a little before going into matches like that.

Probably the greatest danger for me now is my serving. Traditionally my serves are lethal against anyone who doesn't understand spin but seemingly innocuous to anyone who has played me in a few games. In fact, one of my core serves can be easily preyed upon in doubles matches leaving my slow partner no time to get to the inevitable cross-court shot.

One interesting fact about doubles is that it is not necessarily the pairings that matter, but who receives from who. I am better, of course, against the smashers and the spinners. Anyone who serves flat and fast or places the ball with speed gives me nothing to work with and can reduce me to my simply return shots, which in turn can set up a smash shot at my less accomplished partner.

So yeah, a report will follow tomorrow evening about the results (or my crying disappointment).

My Studies

I am in the depths of study. My mind has been taken over by the urge to learn and recoup my Chinese knowledge. Last time I was in China, I picked up a pile of books to help me learn, and I have picked up one that has been not only helpful but interesting. I want to go through it as much as possible. My speaking and listening have picked back to a respectable level (respectable by my standards). In this little work hiatus, I will be aiming to get all the knowledge I can about both the HSK (Chinese exam) and the Japanese Proficency test and even check if there is an equivalent Korean test. And then bulk up on my knowledge of all of them.

My mental immersion into Chinese brings some thoughts of what I can achieve with a bit of mental elbow-grease. I found myself correcting one of my common language learning mistakes: that is, learning in an undirected fashion, e.g. just reading the newspaper and learning words from it. That is not to say it is bad, but a lot more can be achieved with directed learning. Undirected learning is for the bus. Directed learning is for a set time devoted to learning.

Anyway, my last morning of set work for four weeks is tomorrow so I will go freshen my mind, basking in the moonlight on my bed.

Frustrations

Well, it has been an interesting day. All that follows is the contents of my subjective mind. And most of it is just the verbal download to enable me to sleep soundly, without mental discord.

Clouds have been brewing a while at work. Recently, the American headquarters of my language school has been tightening the purse strings. This distressed a co-worker who suddenly found the course he was planning no longer existed anymore. Then came the staff meeting on the Tuesday which talked about the changes which didn't seem all too bad, such as a four week cycle, new textbooks to be used etc. etc. AND there was indications that their were going to be fewer teaching positions than there would be teachers, in the short term.

Following the staff meeting, some of us had individual meetings with the management, to talk about our desired future classes. Since I had taken the last two weeks with the mornings off, they asked me whether I wanted to continue that way. I said I did not and that I would like to work.

I had chosen to do without morning work (for a short time) as a way to save myself from my own commitments to the school. I had said I would simultaneously plan two courses and teach, which I found was not possible while keeping my brain together, so accepted (at what is lower pay) mornings off to 'save' the afternoon higher course, tidy up the lower course and do the things I was procrastinating.

This was also a good benefit to me, admittedly, because I had fallen off my applications to primary schools and hadn't had much time to devote to my other studies. But now the lower course has reached 12 weeks! That means it needs much less maintenance as it repeats. I don't need to work on it much longer. And the higher class is the only thing that I need to bother with for the afternoon.

Now, comes the punchline - due to the aforementioned budget restraints and limitations caused by student numbers I won't have fixed morning work for the next four weeks, perhaps indefinitely. In one way, I am rather annoyed and another way I see it as a rational decision. I took the time off in the mornings, in part, for the company. If it were not for the task of maintaining both afternoon courses, I would not have asked for the time off. I have put a lot of my own time into the school and accepted less weekly pay for it. And to be told that I won't be required full-time after that, does cause me to feel a little knocked back.

But, I can't see any other worker that deserves work less than me. One has a mortgage, I would cede work to him. The 'meek' one, formerly mentioned, has lost a lot of income in the labour shortage here already and won't be fully employed even in the new arrangement. The other teacher also has rarely had a regular supply of work, yet is bound to stay longer than me and be more useful to the company. There are lots of pragmatic aspects for the school, which I console myself with.

But at the same time, I should rightfully be the first to go, as stated, I was always there just to get me through to my first primary teaching position. The threat of my rapid departure has been there for some time, and has probably made the decision of management to choose this path much easier. One plus will be to cause me to push me harder to find a primary position - which has been my original goal. All disappointment at being denied work is because of my wrong attachment to the language school. A very important point for me to see.

Anyway, financially, this means going on a tight budget even to maintain my current cash level (making me wish I hadn't paid off the student loan in full). It will mean slashing my discretionary spending which has been high since I started work. My income works out at about $1200 less for the next four weeks.

The second curious happening today is being mildly censured for my ramblings on this blog. It ain't just airline hostesses who have this trouble it seems. The censure was on these grounds:

(1) I don't know the full details of certain events, so I shouldn't portray things as if they were fact.
(2) I used the wrong title for a person, the person I called the administrator, is actually the head teacher. I called this person the administrator as this person assumed the role of the person I formerly called, "the administrator".
(3) I made comments that could be distressing for people mentioned in my tales.
(4) If I have qualms about the head teacher's performance, I should just tell him.

I think (1) is a 'don't go there' point. EVERYONE has perceptions, just because they are written down rather than spoken or thought, it doesn't make them any less real to me. If anyone believes this is any more than my opinion and subjective perception though, please re-educate yourselves. If you believe me, you'll believe anything.

Comment number (2) could be a pertinent point - although I think it is rather semantic. The head teacher, in the time that I am referring to, was not 'teaching'. He was allocating classes, drawing up class rolls, handling testing, evaluating teachers, preparing professional development and courses. It was for these roles that I was referring to as belonging to an administrator. It doesn't really matter to the substance of my comments but simply the name of the role...

Comment (3) is a more real concern, except for the fact that I do not e-mail those people. They have no other way of getting my blog address. And if I were to send something to them, I would remove the signature to my e-mail which is the only source of my blog address. Although it is VERY pertinent that the only reason for me being censured here and now was that I forgot to remove my signature when forwarding something to the head teacher. So obviously I'm not careful enough. But I have found that the signature function is more flexible than I thought. I can now add it whenever I want. And it is not the default to add it anymore.

Comment (4) was a surprising thought. I am highly outspoken on most things. I wrote an e-mail last week directly referring to problems and criticism to the head teacher and the school. I DO say things to him. Actually I was worried that I made too many suggestions, and that it might seem patronising. I think everyone needs a mentor, and perhaps I was mistaken in believing I could give him advice or feedback.

One good thing is that I have been wanting the head teacher to be more upfront and challenge his own communication issues (what I see as issues, at least). And he came to me directly about this. So maybe it is a sign of improvement (although he didn't come to me straight away to say that I wouldn't have work - so I had to go in and ask directly - although there was eventually a meeting late in the day).

So as the smoke clears I see myself with a very different May/June to what I expected. One bad side is that soon as I heard, my motivation to work for the company has plummeted. I can only motivate myself for working for the students and myself, and not be constructive for the company. I found it hard to even think of what to supply to the reliever for tomorrow morning. I hope he manages my former students depend on it. Now, I realise, I can claim that time as preparation. I would never have noticed otherwise, it was formally a natural function of working.

Plans now, broaden job search - Primary schools are annoying the hell out of me.
Rig up language exchange - I am motivated like never before.
Get fit - I have no excuse.
Start writing again - maybe that is the gold mine future I have always underestimated.
Relinquish my responsibilities at Intrax - get mentally divorced from the job

Perhaps I should do some formal planning. Anyway, time to shut my eyes for the night.

Quote from an acquaintance

In 2001, while on a Habitat for Humanity build, I met a guy called Sandor Lau (Sandor is pronounced Shon-door). I only found out later what a talented, motivated person he was. He is a Fulbright Scholar. I spotted him on Asia Down Under (presenting just one item on the Auckland Film Festival). And then he appeared with a documentary on both TV1 and Maori TV, Behaviours of a Backpacker, both times I missed. It is on the Asian Film Festival though, next Sunday at 4pm (paired with another short movie).

Anyhow, with the knowledge that he obviously had the desire to push himself to the top (something I have a lot of admiration for), I wasn't surprised to hear him on Radio New Zealand this morning, commenting about the scandal of the Ba'athist party members being found in NZ. He was rather forthright with his views, delivering a wonderfully rhetorical leftish spiel. He did have one humorous, but meaningful line:

"War is just terrorism with a budget"

He then went on to assert that members of the British Labour Party and Americans in general should be treated with high suspicion if they should want to come to New Zealand as the war against Iraq is considered illegal by Kofi Annan etc.

Anyhow, I will be looking forward to more from him, and hopefully will finally see his film.

Optimal Self-efficacy

You could almost call me a confidence man, because simply I have an unreal sense of confidence in many of my skills. One thing that we learnt in the education course is that self-efficacy (your belief that you can pull something off) is one of the most crucial determiners of success. Well for teaching English in general I have very strong belief. Even though I have produced some lacklustre performances, I still believe that I am not just a good teacher, but an exceptional teacher.

Of course, beliefs like this are not necessarily true. For example, for most of my teens and early twenties I was psychologically tall. Why? For a short time, I was pretty tall for my age. I got a literal "head"start on many of my classmates, before they shot past. For some reason, that belief of superiority and height advantage were frozen in time and mind. Ever since I have never been concerned about height, even when others seem to emphasise the importance of it.

Since I came back teaching English, I still have had the positive belief about my teaching despite some less than convincing performances. But over the weekend I engineered a little teaching miracle. I was given the responsibility of saving a course and maintaining another. In a curious turn, even the student who left my "lower" class has joined the higher class I'm teaching. So I have increased the roll! In a word, I fulfilled my vision of myself perfectly. The theoretical model of Daniel as a good teacher became true. And it was a good feeling.

The classes I have produced are challenging - two observers were a little rattled at how much responsibility and tasks I was throwing onto the students. Maybe that is a drawback already and something I will need to think about. Some students are in shock that I am making them do work - this class is becoming a "Just do it!" class. Actually I think that is a good idea to really instill explicitly from tomorrow.

Either way, challenges are still there for me too. Like how can I maintain this. I am just thankful for the mornings off.

Zhen-de pressure!

It really was a case of a whirlwind week in the fishbowl that is my language school - but the main consequence is that now I am twice as busy as I was before. Here's how it happened:

As you may know I have been developing a course. Well, actually it is one half of a pair of courses, me planning and teaching the lower of the two. The higher level of the two being planned and taught by two different people. It had always seemed on the precipice of disaster. There was not enough time for it to be planned (the planner being burdened with other tasks), the teacher, as talented as he is, was struggling with the dearth of materials and his other obligations (he is doing a correspondence course and buying a house). But not to worry, he was changing from that class to prepare another course, handing the upper course on to a new recruit, let's just call him Kate.

On Friday (two weeks ago), after taking my class to a hair salon, a student from my class told me that they wanted to try a different class for the last two weeks they were at our school. I said that was fine, and made a few suggestions on what she should do.

After a peaceful weekend, then came a very unusual Monday (last Monday). The planner and teacher of the higher course decided to meet with students first to ask how the new teacher was and to ask what they thought of the course. Apparently it was very sobering, the students being rather outspoken about some of their dissatisfaction. The meeting stretched and alarm bells were ringing. Then I heard that the student from my class I talked to on the Friday and one student from the higher class had discussed with the Japanese counsellor about their unhappiness with their course earlier. After Monday, we had an informal meeting, a prelude to a Tuesday formal meeting to address the issues. The Tuesday meeting, brought to my attention that there were some not so apparent qualms with how I had been planning and executing my lessons.

Wednesday brought the management into class to discuss with the class their exact feelings and recommendations (without the teachers present). The outcome of this was interesting. Suddenly it was more clear. There were some students who were not happy but majority were not in my course. Whew! But there are still a lot of changes to make... BUT, a very important change suddenly became necessary. The new recruit, who was unfairly dropped into the burning house that was the higher course, asked for something more structured.

The decision was made on Thursday: I would teacher the higher class, Kate would teacher the lower class. I would be preparing my afternoon classes, Kate's afternoon classes and of course still attend to my morning classes. The upper classes would be converted to a free-form conversation/activity class with me having carte blanche and responsibility for every aspect of it. Man!

To be honest, I said that the aforementioned workload was fine with me. And I can claim the hours I spend on it for my wages.

I am suffering a little from stress I believe. My muscles being tense and I seem rather tense even when I think I am relaxing (something Xin noticed). This became more obvious at about 4am on Saturday morning when I awoke rigid and stressed. I think my mind had been puzzling over it during the night.

Fortunately my Saturday commitment collapsed and I was free in the evening to have a creative burst solving most of the pressing problems. Many of the ideas had been brewing on the Friday but maybe some of it was developed when I should have been resting on Friday night...

Either way, I am on my way through this bottleneck... But I am planning perhap another morning week off.

Flux and Fuzz

Ah, ti~me is on my side, yes it is~ Well, things are pretty nice right now.

My interview at King's School was pretty interesting but ultimately has not given me a third term position. It has been the interview where I have got the most encouragement though - he said he would like me to work at his school but not now with the positions that are open. He has kept my CV in the hope (mine and his) that there will be opportunities knocking at the end of the year.

Ping-pong is consuming my afternoons but I am enjoying it and it is a good workout too. With my confidence in my foot rising it is nice to reclaim some of my fitness. I might extend it somehow. I am also keen to donate blood some time soon... My blood feels kinda rich, full of energy.

On the other hand, my preparation for my afternoon class, formerly the jewel in my teaching crown, has suffered in terms of preparation. Still excellent and the students have had a ball, but as the teacher, I should be more confident with my materials before going in. My morning class, compared to when I first came back are almost teaching masterpieces. Except for the time the assessor came in... oh dear.

Anyway, with the tide I go out~

Xylitol

Life without sugar is interestingly different. You find that sugar does indirectly make you sleepy, and that sugar in the diet begets sugar in the diet.

The ping-pong has changed a lot at school. Another former teacher has been welcomed back to the fold, and he was very good at ping-pong. It took him two days to get his form back. The day before he really got back into it I thrashed him 5-1. Then things changed as he dismantled everyone else, camping at one end of the ping-pong table. Getting him into a doubles match and pairing him with a weaker partner was the best way to supplant him. I played him on Friday afternoon and managed to valiantly lose 3-6, with many defeats that had me struggling to get passed 10 (in first to 21 matches).

Beezee~

Man, this week seems so long. I was glad to have an early night on Monday night but all that has been forgotten as a pub quiz, late nights and long days have come down on top of me. I will have my 11th observer for the week tomorrow, today being a dizzying 7 observers (relative to a class of 6!)...

White tea is great. And my cold-turkey approach to sugar in tea and chocolate in general is fine...

Fearless

I think fearlessness would be a survival advantage for praying mantises (if that is the plural). If they dream, or day dream, the would no doubt dream of bagging a human. A few years ago I remember one taking me on head-on, flying at my face with pincers flexing.

Barbarians!

Question: What is worse than finding you are in a country full of uncouth people?

Answer: Finding your esteemed teacher is one of them.

This week in English in Action we are doing feelings and expressing yourself and things like that. One of the listenings were on Culture Shock, and we had a bit of sharing about the things they thought were shocking... and one of the main ones to come up was the way New Zealanders wash their dishes. All the Japanese and Koreans in my class were quite disgusted by what they observed Kiwi host families doing. They would say with the faces wrinkled that those terrible homestay families would wash their dishes in hot soapy water and then just let them drain in a dish-rack! With the water from the sink STILL ON THEM! I am used to this kind of panic, I calmly tell them that is exactly what I do. Looks of incredulity abound. They could accept stupid kiwi homestay families doing it but not their teacher... (interestingly almost all the students who have host families have not enjoyed their experiences, which is a bit of a worry).

A victim?

Things are going into an interesting phase, without anything different happening. I'm just saying it is interesting because if I had to sum up a word for it, it would have to be "interesting". Why interesting? Because it feels interesting. How does it feel interesting? It is just a feeling.

Anyway, a victim of my own success or just lightening striking? My burgeoning class of nine (it has been a long time since the school has had a class that size) will be joined by not one, not two, not three, but four observers. It remains to be seen whether you can pack thirteen students into one of our classrooms... I had just moved class on Monday to accommodate the two that I hooked into coming last week. And it remains to be seen whether the observers will be interested in being in one of the most overcrowded classes around. But either way, there is a bonus of $200 for me if all of them join... (gee, that's a lot of money) I will do better than the last time I had three observers and executed a poorly prepared lesson. Administration has offered to give me a teaching assistant, who would assist during class (which is something I have never had).

The course itself has suffered a little lately by me being distracted and ill-prepared. I am more interested in learning language than teaching language at the moment, and as a result the class has been less in tune with the purpose. I have decided to refocus myself now.

Anyway, probably the good side of having the two recent additions to the class is that one is an avid ping-pong player. It has been quite some time since I last played ping-pong consistently and it looks as if he is interested in playing most afternoons. He beat me twice yesterday, then in a long string of games I beat him 5-1, although all by very narrow margins. He looks like a much more sophisticated player than I do and has a killer smash (which is often his undoing, he is about 50%. And we both play left handed against all other competition (I still can't beat one of the others with my left hand, but I come close everytime). All the facets of my game are coming back. I never lost my spin-serves, but had lost my forehand smash, and my side-spin smashes (which used to be my best weapon). Strangely I regained my smash with the left-hand before the right. Playing against a reasonable player with my uncoordinated left hand, I spotted and smashed a ball of a nice height better and, oddly, far more accurately than I had previously with my right hand, and I did it again and again. Anyway, I am always happier when I am playing ping-pong.

Bonuses are their own reward

After knackering myself with another late night, I pulled out another good day of teaching out of my bag of tricks. In the morning, I only have one student but managed to bring out the necessary points. I did reflect though, that it could have been so much better...

Then, in the afternoon class I was suddenly given two observers who seemed to enjoy themselves. So hopefully another two bonuses of $50. Then there was the curious staff meeting.

Earlier in the day, a student recruitment firm from Korea had met with the managers and some of the Korean students. This is when it gets interesting. Apparently the Korean students in my afternoon class raved about Daniel and his English in Action course. So much so that the agent mentioned me specifically back to the management, saying that if this "Daniel" fellow is teaching, they would be sending students here! So at the staff meeting, management announced they were giving me an extra $50 bonus. I am not sure what the thinking of management is toward me now. An employee who has already declared himself leaving at the first chance, whom an agency now says is crucial to their choice to send students. What was one do?

Of course, if I were a pessimist I would say he has nothing to fear, I am stuck here. My trip out for another interview tomorrow is a undesirable position (but is it the best I can get? Long term reliever in a year 2 to 3 class) at a good school.

Anyway, I am concerned about my planning for the afternoon class now. My mornings off did not generate a buffer of planning that was originally intended. I was half-relying on this week to give me that. Then why did I accept morning teaching this week? Maybe the fact that I effectively gave away $400 by not working in the mornings got to me subconsciously.

Another ray of sunshine

Well, with a brief self-declared morning holiday for all of last week and on Monday, I am back working full-time. I didn't achieve much that I initially intended to but did achieve a lot.

I have another interview this Thursday. I have confirmed my referees and got a glowing reference letter from my current employer. I got in some precious language study.
I have just sent off three more CVs to schools and despite a feeling of unease before lessons due to a lack of preparation, my classes have been successful.

Obscure challenges

Sometimes, a fervour comes upon me to learn something. Unfortunately, my learning sprees rarely distinguish between useful and unuseful knowledge. Suddenly I stay up late reading, browsing, searching, scribbling etc. till finally I leave it there. Quite often it is a language but can really be anything, nobel prize winners, chemistry, a musicians work, a philosophy.

Recently, I read Nobel Prize for Literature winners (triggered by Who wants to be a Millionaire), solipsism and Descartes (as a result of my interest in existentialism), Arabic (triggered by getting a book on Islam), zoological classifications (as a result of a visit to the various museums) etc.

Last night's project was learning Biblical Hebrew, triggered by my reading of the Bible, and also the fact that a theology-studying workmate was a bit unsure whether he should be expending that effort. I now know the whole hebrew alephbet (interestingly, the Greek, Arabic, Latin and Hebrew alphabets come from a similar root). I can read the very first sentence in Genesis and even understand the grammar).

Damn, just writing that triggered me to re-learn the Greek alphabet. Oh and now the Arabic... Maybe that is the problem with a language passion, it is never-ending.

"Secret Training"

This term I got from the AIESECer who introduced me to AIESEC, Yasuteru. He used it in reference to practising his roller-blading on Mission Bay. To practice without others around. I used the term today and my Japanese students laughed.. Maybe it is a bit of Japanese English now.

I had my "Secret Training" tonight, practising the Korean song "I believe" repetitively. It is the first song I have sung all of and can sing in time with the music. I can thank Master Winston Kim for his guidance and singing teaching.

I was pleasantly surprised that the karaoke place had some song such as Creep and even Fake Plastic Trees (which only people like me would sing) both by Radiohead.

Anyway, tomorrow is the day of song. And strangely it is the Japanese song that I'll have to sing which is making me nervous.

Easter (caution: contains thoughts of religious nature)

I have been musing a lot about finding the reality of things, such as what Waitangi day really signifies to me etc. It is easy to just take a holiday and enjoy it, but it has always felt strange to not know upon what the things we see are based. Easter has been like that too. A good time for a holiday or an AIESEC conference. But there is naturally a root that lies in the past.

Easter originates from the resurrection of Christ and pagan Spring festivals, and now is buffeted by social constructivistic forces. The resurrection of Christ is what I am reading most about lately (although I am interested in finding out about the pagan side one day too). I was quite glad to be reading the last few chapters of Matthew (from the New Testament) which detail Christ's crucifixion on Good Friday and Saturday. Of course, I knew the story previously but I have been gaining more knowledge and perspective of it with every day.

It is this day that really is the beating heart of Christianity. It is to understand how it works that reveals exactly its power. And as any Christian SHOULD tell you, it is not to intellectually accept creation or even the existence of God, the faith in the reality or not of the death and resurrection of Christ and its significance should be the acid test of one's own atheism.

Reading the Bible is mind-altering. On Good Friday, I read a section of Matthew 24 : 30, describing the Second Coming of Christ: "At that time, the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky. Then all the people of the world will cry. They will see the Son of Man coming on clouds in the sky with great power and glory." The strange thing is that I had a dream of this kind several weeks previously. I remember I was in the middle of another dream when suddenly the sky went dark and then out of the sun came bright figures riding horses. My mother in the dream, cursed them in a strange way (she is not Christian and often speaks suspiciously of religion). That was spooky. Dreams are unnerving in this way. My religious co-worker at Intrax says his wife has visions in her dreams.

That being said, my understanding of my own mind is that which I am gaining through these experiences.

Office Politics

I have been caught amidst office politics in the last 24 hours as the result of a charitable, yet practical move on my part. It was deliberate, a little bit of an experiment, and has been showing some remarkable consequences.
I also may have incidentally interfered with management's attempts attempts to give a fellow worker the old-heave-hoe.

It all started when the formerly 'meek' co-worker of mine found herself without an afternoon class after rejecting what was available. She made some noise, and then got the opportunity to assist me in making the curriculum while the rest of us taught in the afternoon. This sounded good for me at first as she is a resource ferret, capable of finding books and chapters to suit any subject or purpose. But I found her to be difficult to work with. Eventually after being nagged for eight minutes of my ten minute break by her (she didn't have a class), with her speaking over everything I said, and then her complaining about me to the administrator saying I speak to her as if she were a primary school student, I started to wonder what would placate her grumbling disquiet.

Then she found that next week she would have no morning class. She made a noise standing in the doorway of the administrator, asking him what classs he could teach (the answer: no class) and saying that she'd have to look for another job. For me, this was a little awkward in that technically I thought I should stand aside as I am on a casual contract, whereas she was with the company through thick and thin (and boy was it thin in the past year) and is on a more permanent contract than I. But there was never this suggestion by management or to her.

Then I thought briefly about my own position. Since becoming full-time AND doing additional curriculum work, I have stopped applying for other jobs (since my last interview). I have been swamped. And if I don't do anything I will be here forever. So I thought I could propose a win-win situation. I would give up my morning class in the morning to her and restart my job-search. I'd also be freer to do the curriculum development (which still pays) and I would have time to work on my own projects.

BUT the biggest surprise was the administrators reaction. He said that he was under instructions to give work to those who are willing to work, and she, the meek one, was not one to accept what she was given. In other words, she had been rejecting the classes she had been offered and hence was in the situation where she has no classes (and consequently complained). He tried to persuade me to do otherwise, warning me that if I were to give her my classes, she might not give them back when I return. I thought that would be an interesting eventuality (would she feel any right to return the class?). He told me about the discontent of management with her. But I emphasised my reasons for doing so, i.e. to re-start my job search. He eventually conceded (as he had to). And later the meek one commented without much excitement that she was teaching my class next week.

LATER, the meek one complained about a new development announced by management. The edict from above was that seniority doesn't apply to teachers. This was fascinatingly unnatural. Why would a company say that new teachers (even the part-timers) should keep their classes when a committed full-time teacher lacks a class (as the result of merging or graduation)? This became clearer in three following situations. The administrator came to me, and told me I should discuss with her what happens after two weeks. i.e. to make some agreement to share, or return the class back to me rather than wait till that time came. Then the general manager came to me and made sure of my reasons for doing having the break in the morning. He doesn't usually get involved with staffing issues but he came to me to ask whether I was really doing this for my own reasons or whether I was being gentlemanly and standing aside for her. After I told him I wasn't being gentlemanly, he said it was fine and reiterated that they wouldn't stand in my way to pursue other employment and left.

Just before the meek one left for the day, I asked her about what would happen when I came back, and she said quite plainly that management had told her that the two weeks of morning class I asked for were a 'holiday' (despite me working in the afternoons) and that due to seniority not mattering any more I would definitely go back to the Intermediate class I was teaching 2 weeks previously upon my return to full-time teaching. So interesting! My conclusion is that management wants to give her an indirect flick and make her jump. But then I ruined the culmination of this plan. They had disgruntled her, stripped her of work and then the Daniel fly landed squarely in the ointment. As a result, they had even changed the implicit rules of seniority to maintain the edge in evicting her from the job.

All in an 'Auckland' day...

The Best Laid Plans

I just have to say that this is one well-constructed plot-trick movie. I loved the conclusion. It is a great moral play and probably the best movie I have seen on TV.

Campbell Live debuted tonight, and I think it was well done. It provided depth and evidence to base opinions on, rather than the biased ranting of Paul Holmes or the arrogance/ignorance of Susan Wood. It was very cohesive, informative, truly investigative too. I await further developments especially when it comes to the actual live interviews. And also whether Helen Clark will ever be interviewed by the "little creep" again...

40 hours

For the nth time, I have completed the forty hour famine. I like it as a traditional challenge. And my first food afterwards was a delicious, Award-winning hot-crossed bun with jam. Yummy.

No more leads...

Well, I have fired all my shots, and still have nothing to show for it. I just got back a letter to say I wasn't shortlisted for the NZ Army museum Education Officer position. I had had quite a bit of hope of at least getting an interview.

Now it really is back to the drawing board, as I am not really 'waiting' for anything now. Tomorrow afternoon, I will be 're-loading' and set off my best shots before the 'second term' jobs vanish and (*gasp*) 'third term' positions suddenly appear... (shudders...). My father has given me a good lead that I haven't yet done justice to, so that will be my first target.

My ESOL work has consumed me in the last few weeks and I have been getting results too. Another odd phenomenon was a spontaneous pay-rise. The administrator just came out yesterday afternoon and said, "Congratulations, you are getting a pay-rise!". I am still on less than the high rate I was on prior to leaving in 2003, but I was not expecting to just land back at that rate. The course I am doing curriculum planning for is a wonderful success. I am teaching in a way that accommodates both high and low beginners, simultaneously. I had the great pleasure today of seeing my students seize shop assistants at Downtown shopping centre, and ask those hard questions. And try on clothes (what a joy for the girls) and gasp at the ridiculous prices...
I have made generalised dialogues for all situations in the course, and usually test them out on unsuspecting people before I teach them to the class. I also use assessment techniques which are straight from Primary teaching... which are highly appropriate for the course. There are numerous 'successes' from the course so I am grinning ear-to-ear.

Anyway, employment confusion shall still reign, and in the meantime, I have finally got my first paycheck in 16 months.

Dreams revisited

Only in the last few hours have I felt a semblance of health, but I think it is just good spirits numbing the sickness rather than a genuine recovery. I will have a good sleep tonight. My dream last night was quite an interesting one. In the early morning, I struggled to know whether it really happened.

The setting was the day before my final practicum (oddly I had a clear dream at that particular time too). I was at an early morning University class (or maybe it was an AIESEC activity) before I had to go to the practicum school. It was annoying, I thought, to have a class before I went on practicum. After that finally ended, I realised I didn't know where the school was and had to ask at a petrol station. The school's name was Parnel Normal Primary School (this name I can thank my father for, as it was a misremembered school name by him as a possible lead, the school doesn't exist). After struggling my way, just managing to get there on time, I saw all the teachers drinking coffee at the cafe style seating outside the school. I realised I didn't know who the principal was, so I just asked "Where is the principal?" She was nearby and I explained my situation, and she said she would take me to the classroom, reminding me I would be teaching from today onward, because that was what you had to do on your final practicum (this is patently wrong). I went into what was an ultra-crowded classroom with maybe 40 children. I talked with the teacher who showed me the daily plan, which was printed onto the wall, apparently it was the same everyday, so they could just leave it there printed. I watched the teacher teach for a while. But then a blonde-haired girl left the mat for some reason and I had to look after her. I held her, but there were disapproving looks from other people.

I was quite impressed by my recall of this dream. It is probably one of the more detailed sequences I have remembered. It was so vivid that for a moment I thought that I had to go to the school in the morning.

A week at 0/2

Well a week of promise has finally found its tarnished lining. Two promising interviews have resulted in two rebuffs. Coupled with that, I have fallen ill again, with a raw throat and a constant fatigue. And to top that off my feet are causing me grief.

Now that I have removed all that negative news from my system, now for the positives. Besides my ailments, I am going pretty well. I took advantage of Borders' "student day" and also a Jason Books store sale and so I have a big pile of tempting books.

My language school Intrax was inundated with students this week with three Brazilians and four Japanese pouring in the door. The Brazilians would seem to be adding an enjoyable but tricky dynamic to the school. One is an absolute English beginner, but he is learning fast. Another is a sleazy 20 year old, with a penchant for pulling up his shirt and rubbing his belly. He has already missed a day of class due to the effect of a drinking night (on his third day in New Zealand). And then there is the mature, proficient one, whom I have not had more than a few words with. The Japanese are by comparison fairly typical.

This has all set up the course I am designing as crucial. On Monday morning, the first day of the 12-week course, I thought there would be three students in that afternoon class. But with the influx of students, suddenly I had six and one observer! (and the observer duly signed on meaning a $50 bonus for me). I was concerned about the level of the first week, as we were covering rather mundane introductions etc. but with a bit of teasing of the material it easily lasted, was good for all, from the proficient (and educationally voracious) Koreans to the beginner Brazilian whose desperate attempts to communicate have been rewarded with some phrases and words. As my sickness deepened, I haven't had a chance to develop the course more, hopefully a restful Saturday will provide a productive Sunday.

Also, the cricket has been great. A colleague and I recently cracked the secret to winning cricket. All we have to do is have me slander our players while he expresses his admiration and belief in their ability (which he admitted is hard). I spoke of the stupidity of selecting Cumming (who scored a great 74 on debut) while he spoke of the talent of Hamish Marshall (who scored an even great 140 odd). And a few comments about our hopeless bowlers by me and the logical platitudes from him have resulted in a fine bowling performance.

Any whoo, back to reclining and convalescence. Later.

Hard Day

After a late night at the pub quiz, and then a night of weird dreams of a dragon tracing my steps, everyone staying in a house overnight (a real jam), and two of my guy friends finding chemistry between them (I won't mention names), I woke up tired.

I worked through a lacklustre morning class, and then a great afternoon class. As I had an interview in howick at 5pm, I had to run for my bus to Howick which left outside Showgirls at 3:05pm (5 mins. from end of class to one the bus). I caught the wrong bus then seeing the right one, jumped on over to that one. At Hunters Corner, I had to change buses but the place they call Hunters Corner is a little more than just one stop... it is spread over several corners... so after clarifying with RideLine I thought I missed my connecting bus. So I waited there, then caught the bus (which was actually late) and arrived at 4:30pm, which should have been enough time to find the school. Regrettably, the directions I had were not good, and what's worse, I wrote one of the street names wrongly... But after some deduction, I eventually deduced the location (oh the blessings of brains) and arrived at 4:58.

The interview went well, and I will know by tomorrow whether I have got it. Pt Chevalier haven't made contact with me so I will assume the worst. If the Howick school also falls through I might need to get back up and apply for another lot of schools. Since I started working on the Curriculum in the afternoons, I have only sent in one application.

In other news, it has been a bad day for mountaineering. Not only did several climbers and a guide fall to their deaths on Mt Cook, but a body was also found on Mt Taranaki. It is creepy to hear that someone died on a summit I have visited... Cook and Taranaki are constant competitors in the killing stakes.

Now I feel thoroughly ragged, and my eyes feel horrible. I will sleep early and get ready for my class at school.

When the (not so) meek shall inherit the TOEIC class...

Another interesting trend at work is the increase in what I can only call formalism. Major position and role changes have occurred in the organisation too since I left. Those with responsibility are often still grasping what their role is, and what it entails.

It is strange to be, objectively speaking, an administration outsider. Formally, I was part of the open-committee style discussions by the former class administrator and the other teachers. Now, because I am technically only a casual staff, I really have no right to be a part of the tricky administrative issues that have arisen recently.

Really, I am chomping at the bit to have my say, but have refrained from doing so because no-one has seen it right to ask me. The person who is now entrusted with class-administration is an introvert with certain communication issues. That is not to say anything bad, but just that he still has a lot to learn.

The issue today which I secretly observed every part of was the claiming of the TOEIC class (a crappy English second "English proficiency test" cousin to IELTS, that some employers like). Due to the sudden influx a new person was taken onto the staff to allow more flexibility and simultaneously running classes. He has taught TOEIC before (as he did today). This afternoon, a long term employee suddenly found that with several new courses starting and none of the new students being attracted into her class, she became unemployed in the afternoon. Usually quiet, usually meek, she extended her foot and put it down. She would teach TOEIC and bent the arm of the class-administrator with calm logic to allow her to do so, stripping the new teacher of his afternoon class over the phone (as he had already left with all the TOEIC texts). But she doesn't know anything about TOEIC yet...

These are very understandable issues from both sides. The meek one's frustrations boiled over onto other issues too, which were also easy to see. She puts in lots of hard work and is not remunerated the same as those who formally put hard work into curriculum development. This is even starker when another worker does little preparation and takes advantage of those who make the curriculum, coasting in and out of work within a short time of the beginning and ends of class, and technically is rewarded the same as the meek one...

So, now it is all in the court of those who administrate to resolve the insoluble. To be diplomatic and pragmatic, as the importance of clear communication mounts higher.

Headlong

It has been a whirlwind world of late. Things happening. Me doing things.

I am headlong into work at my old language school (or rather the new incarnation of my old language school) and am enjoying it immensely. I have constructed a curriculum for a course I will be teaching from now on in the afternoons. And my morning classes have allowed me to reclaim my ESOL instincts, and also apply some of my primary school pedagogy, in a constructive way. The new structure of my old school and the administrative systems are interesting. The remnant of teachers of the previous era (when I left in 2003) often moan, but it is much better than that which we had previously. It is fairer too, and loaded with more accountability. The previous regime tended to be a clumsy managed rort. Once I learnt the new system I had much more appreciation for it.

Interesting trends for the last few weeks have been the vivid dreams. Just last night some other people were talking about dreams, and it got me thinking about my own. Almost every morning I have recalled my dreams. The carnivorous megafauna are still there, so are the trips into the Elsewhere.

Another interesting thing I discovered last night was that I seem to think I have met people before. And after I mused about my possible links with certain people, suddenly a Buddhist nun suddenly asked me if she had met me before. Maybe there is some deja vu in the air.

Physically, I am still plagued by foot-problems. And now I have a weird occasional nausea. It struck in particular at Whiter's party, but that was not the end of it, although nothing has come close to that which I felt that night. Initially I thought it was food poisoning, later I attributed it to expired Apple Cider Vinegar (don't ask) but since I still have it now and irregularly, I don't think so. An interesting mystery. The last time I had persistent weird symptoms, it was anaemia... But I don't think it is that now.

I am off the unemployment benefit, which was an interesting process. They want some of their money back now, which is fair enough but an annoyance to return. It is an interesting question whether I should have been on the benefit in the first place seeing I am hardly destitute. But then that is not necessarily how I think we should view the role of the Unemployment Benefit. Being formerly employed, I paid a reasonable tax for many years. This tax goes towards many things for our common good. I have decided that part of the tax I pay is simply Unemployment Insurance, and it is on that basis that I took it. I am employed again and will be contributing tax till the end of the year at least.

Yes, I am certain of my employment, and a rash of interviews have brightened me up on the primary school front. I had one at Pt Chevalier Primary just yesterday and will head to deepest, darkest Howick (Willowbank Primary School) on Wednesday to be interviewed. The Army Museum mentioned they are also shortlisting now, so fingers crossed there. My employment at my language school will be pretty secure in the mean time.

Awash with Activity

I am probably the most active, busy I have been in the last 10 months, working lots, creating curriculums, ushering, applying, going to interviews (WINZ and Willowbank School), seeing movies, pub-quizzes, babysitting, cricket, open-air performances and also a little sleep.

Coming up I have a pile of get-togethers and a lot of work to do.

Strangely, I have deprived myself of sleep but I am not tired. Must mean I have reclaimed my mojo.